Trustworthiness-A Characteristic of Great Value

Trustworthiness is sometimes misunderstood as a personal value. The majority of people believe themselves to be trustworthy, yet, their behavior does not match their belief. Generally people believe trustworthiness is keeping your word, taking care of your belongings and returning that which you borrow from others. However, trustworthiness embodies much more.

The definition of trustworthy includes the personal characteristics of:

o Capable of being depended upon: dependable, reliable, responsible, solid.

o Worthy of belief, as because of precision or faithfulness to an original: authentic, authoritative, convincing, credible, faithful, true, valid behavioral pattern.

A trustworthy person:

o Arrives on time

o Does what he/she agreed to do

o Knows his/her limits and avoids promising more than she/he can deliver

o Is consistent--based on past experiences one can trust what she/he will do next

How does one become a trustworthy person? Trustworthiness is a learned characteristic. Children learn trustworthiness by what they experience. Therefore, parents need to keep their word. If they tell a child they will take him/her to the store in 'a little while.' The parent needs to then take the child to the store. Whatever you tell a child you need to do it, even when it is something the child would not want you to do.

For example: If you tell your child you are going to send him/her to bed early if he/she hits his/her brother, you need to send your child to bed early in order to demonstrate to your child you are trustworthy. Furthermore, when you follow through on your statements, you are telling your child, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. This gives your child a sense of security and trust that all will be in right order, even the things they do not wish to have--i.e. going to bed early.

Some parents mistakenly think their children will be happier if they do not actually use the consequences for unacceptable behavior. So they only use the statement of 'going to bed early only as a scare tactic.' After only one instance of not following through on this statement, your child already knows you 'do not mean what you say' and they will push the limit the next time. Children who are threatened with consequences, but never receive it learn that their parents are not trustworthy.

Children, who, are threatened will later accuse the parent of being a 'liar,' and they are right. Parents need to avoid making threats or empty promises.

To say that someone is untrustworthy is not necessarily a negative moral judgment. Although, we know criminals are untrustworthy, not every untrustworthy person is a criminal. Many untrustworthy people are loving and well-meaning. The issue which prompts good, honest people to be untrustworthy is fear. Fear of not being liked. They want to be liked, therefore, they make promises they can not keep or do not intend to keep.