Allowing others to use guilt can result in your losing the ability to get what you want in relationships - it gives others power to define the relationship the way they want. Guilt can be expressed through:
1. "The Freeze" or "Silent Treatment"
Creating emotional tension to have one's way in a relationship.
2. "Good Guy vs. Bad Guy"
The controller interprets his or her motives positively and suggests that you will go along or be labeled negatively.
3. "If You Love Me"
Some guilt inducers try to get their way by suggesting any denial of their desires indicates that you do not love or care about them.
4. "Everyone Is Doing It"
This effort suggests that popular opinion or expert's advice sides with the individual's desires. You are foolish if you do not agree with the majority opinion.
You must change your beliefs:
- stop telling yourself that giving in is no big thing.
- stop believing that what you want is bad or wrong.
- stop believing that you don't have a right to an opinion, or that your point of view is less legitimate than someone else's.
- stop trying to please the guilt manipulator.
- stop giving away your power.
- stop letting the guilt inducer dictate who you are and how you should feel.
Also change your response:
Let the person know that you understand their feelings and desires, but maintain your right to your desires.
Decide whether your desires are desirable and therefor open to compromise or whether they are something you do not want to do without, hence nonnegotiable. Stick to your guns - let your no mean no!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
How to Identify a Manipulator
Manipulators are often people we trust and that we think of as close-ones. We do things for them because of that close relationship. But is that relationship really as close as you think it is? Occasionally, it's good to take a step back and reevaluate the friends that you have to see if they fit the personality type of a manipulative person While you can still be friends with a manipulator, you must be careful when they are requesting things from you.
Logical Versus Emotional Arguments
Logical arguments make sense to most people because there is solid and identifiable evidence to support that argument. When I say that the Earth revolves around the sun, people will believe that statement because there is scientific evidence to support that claim. Emotional arguments are the primary ammunition for manipulators. Emotional arguments are those claims that are not based on objective criteria, but rather based on feelings and emotions. An example of this is if I wanted you to get me a computer because you love me, right? The manipulator's requests, favors, or wants typically don't have any logical reasoning behind them because they are selfish in nature. The manipulator knows that they can't use logical arguments to persuade you to do what they want, so they switch over to emotional arguments to power their justification. This is the main way to identify a manipulative person. Their logic will always be flawed and their reasoning will always be supported by emotional arguments.
The Four Tactics that Manipulators Use
Appealing to your love. The manipulator will appeal to your relationship with them in order to influence you. The will make reference to their relationship with you as a backbone of getting you to do what they want. They will use words such as "trust," "love," and "us."
Appealing to your sense of guilt. The manipulator will attempt to influence you by making you feel extremely guilty for refusing their request. A typical line is, "Well, if you really cared about me you would do this."
Intimidation. The manipulator might actually become angry at your refusal to do a favor for them and they will try using an aggressive and intimidating approach to force you to submit out of fear.
Fake Flattery. The manipulator will shower you with excessive and, typically undeserved, compliments in an effort to "butter you up" for the favor that will come next. This is a form of ego-stroking that lowers your guard for logical reasoning and makes favors more easy to give into.
Tristan Loo is the founder of Alternative Conflict Resolution Services, based out of San Diego County, Calfornia. Tristan is a former police officer, conflict intervention consultant, professional mediator, and negotiator. Tristan gained his experience by actively engaging conflict out on the streets, honing his knowledge and understanding of conflict during hundreds of dangerous encounters with hostile and violent subjects. Tristan is the author of Street Negotiation--How to Resolve Any Conflict Anytime.
Logical Versus Emotional Arguments
Logical arguments make sense to most people because there is solid and identifiable evidence to support that argument. When I say that the Earth revolves around the sun, people will believe that statement because there is scientific evidence to support that claim. Emotional arguments are the primary ammunition for manipulators. Emotional arguments are those claims that are not based on objective criteria, but rather based on feelings and emotions. An example of this is if I wanted you to get me a computer because you love me, right? The manipulator's requests, favors, or wants typically don't have any logical reasoning behind them because they are selfish in nature. The manipulator knows that they can't use logical arguments to persuade you to do what they want, so they switch over to emotional arguments to power their justification. This is the main way to identify a manipulative person. Their logic will always be flawed and their reasoning will always be supported by emotional arguments.
The Four Tactics that Manipulators Use
Appealing to your love. The manipulator will appeal to your relationship with them in order to influence you. The will make reference to their relationship with you as a backbone of getting you to do what they want. They will use words such as "trust," "love," and "us."
Appealing to your sense of guilt. The manipulator will attempt to influence you by making you feel extremely guilty for refusing their request. A typical line is, "Well, if you really cared about me you would do this."
Intimidation. The manipulator might actually become angry at your refusal to do a favor for them and they will try using an aggressive and intimidating approach to force you to submit out of fear.
Fake Flattery. The manipulator will shower you with excessive and, typically undeserved, compliments in an effort to "butter you up" for the favor that will come next. This is a form of ego-stroking that lowers your guard for logical reasoning and makes favors more easy to give into.
Tristan Loo is the founder of Alternative Conflict Resolution Services, based out of San Diego County, Calfornia. Tristan is a former police officer, conflict intervention consultant, professional mediator, and negotiator. Tristan gained his experience by actively engaging conflict out on the streets, honing his knowledge and understanding of conflict during hundreds of dangerous encounters with hostile and violent subjects. Tristan is the author of Street Negotiation--How to Resolve Any Conflict Anytime.
'Power Rangers' Verses 'Barney'
Many parents probably read the above title and are anxiously hoping against hope that we'll finally get to see these two cartoonish creations go head to head in an ultimate fight to the death. An epic battle in which one (or with any luck, both) of these monstrosities would be reduced to rubbish and sent back to the land of make-believe from hence they came. There the Power Rangers could fight each other while Barney tries to intervene singing "I love you, you love me..." in the background, all without making your ears bleed in the process. But alas, no such luck. You're just going to have to put up with the talking dinosaur and the obnoxious teens in pajamas until your kids grow tired of them. This article is actually about a classic experiment which illustrates how a child's behavior can be impacted by what they watch and observe.
It's called the Barney versus Power Rangers experiment because researchers arranged for a classroom of preschoolers to watch two different cartoon clips; one day an episode of the popular children's television show Barney and Friends, another an episode of the always entertaining Power Rangers show. They then watched and observed the children's behavior before, during, and after these episodes of fine children's entertainment. The results were revealing, and perhaps a little worrisome. After watching Barney, the children were bouncing up and down, holding hands, singing, dancing, and playing amongst each other, just as they had seen on TV. (I know, scary isn't it?)
After the Power Rangers episode, the same sort of thing happened. Only instead of dancing and playing games, they once again mimicked what they were exposed to. This time around that meant play-fighting with each other, kicking and punching one another, and fashioning swords out of blocks or creating other impromptu weapons from classroom supplies. For those who try to pretend that television has no effect on children, this experiment is about as blatant a rebuke to such ideas as one can come by. (1)
A child's brain is built for mimicry. From the earliest days right after their birth, they begin to studiously observe others. As they watch others do something, an entire system of neurons in their brain (known as mirror neurons) "light up" in response, essentially practicing in the brain what they see and observe with their eyes and ears. Research using fMRI brain imaging technology has shown that watching television can play a person's brain like a puppeteer. (2) As a person watches what is going on, the different areas of their brain associated with those moods or actions light up in response as if they were actually living the experience; so much so that there's little discernible difference between what our brains do when we watch versus what we actually experience. And since a child's primary mode of learning is mimicking what they observe, this makes television a social education device that broadcasts signals directly into your child's brain.
To young children, television is little more than a mimicry machine; a screen bringing a variety of messages and behavior for them to emulate. So just as parents should avoid arguing in front of their children (for much the same reasons...your argument actually plays out inside your child's brain and provides a model for them to emulate} parents need to be conscientious of what is being modeled for their child on television.
Sometimes the emphasis on television violence can be taken too far, however, and we don't intend to hype up the fears beyond practicality. It's not as though your 5-year-old is destined to be a serial killer should they watch one too many Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episodes. Nor is it necessary to keep them from their favorite television program just because it has fight scenes. That would just be mean, and television is but one of many social influences and proper parenting in other regards can overcome a half-hour of cartoon violence. Parents should, however, pay attention to the bulk of what their child is watching, because what they watch does influence them.
In terms of priming children for calm, prosocial behavior, I'm afraid the big purple dinosaur wins out. Even if he does make your ears bleed.
It's called the Barney versus Power Rangers experiment because researchers arranged for a classroom of preschoolers to watch two different cartoon clips; one day an episode of the popular children's television show Barney and Friends, another an episode of the always entertaining Power Rangers show. They then watched and observed the children's behavior before, during, and after these episodes of fine children's entertainment. The results were revealing, and perhaps a little worrisome. After watching Barney, the children were bouncing up and down, holding hands, singing, dancing, and playing amongst each other, just as they had seen on TV. (I know, scary isn't it?)
After the Power Rangers episode, the same sort of thing happened. Only instead of dancing and playing games, they once again mimicked what they were exposed to. This time around that meant play-fighting with each other, kicking and punching one another, and fashioning swords out of blocks or creating other impromptu weapons from classroom supplies. For those who try to pretend that television has no effect on children, this experiment is about as blatant a rebuke to such ideas as one can come by. (1)
A child's brain is built for mimicry. From the earliest days right after their birth, they begin to studiously observe others. As they watch others do something, an entire system of neurons in their brain (known as mirror neurons) "light up" in response, essentially practicing in the brain what they see and observe with their eyes and ears. Research using fMRI brain imaging technology has shown that watching television can play a person's brain like a puppeteer. (2) As a person watches what is going on, the different areas of their brain associated with those moods or actions light up in response as if they were actually living the experience; so much so that there's little discernible difference between what our brains do when we watch versus what we actually experience. And since a child's primary mode of learning is mimicking what they observe, this makes television a social education device that broadcasts signals directly into your child's brain.
To young children, television is little more than a mimicry machine; a screen bringing a variety of messages and behavior for them to emulate. So just as parents should avoid arguing in front of their children (for much the same reasons...your argument actually plays out inside your child's brain and provides a model for them to emulate} parents need to be conscientious of what is being modeled for their child on television.
Sometimes the emphasis on television violence can be taken too far, however, and we don't intend to hype up the fears beyond practicality. It's not as though your 5-year-old is destined to be a serial killer should they watch one too many Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episodes. Nor is it necessary to keep them from their favorite television program just because it has fight scenes. That would just be mean, and television is but one of many social influences and proper parenting in other regards can overcome a half-hour of cartoon violence. Parents should, however, pay attention to the bulk of what their child is watching, because what they watch does influence them.
In terms of priming children for calm, prosocial behavior, I'm afraid the big purple dinosaur wins out. Even if he does make your ears bleed.
Neile McQueen Toffel (aka Neile Adams) Talks About Her Life With Movie Star Husband Steve McQueen
For 15 and a half years Neile McQueen Toffel was Mrs. Steve McQueen,
the woman who shared everything with him. Neile has just re-released, in
a new special 20th Anniversary edition, her highly successful and deeply intimate
1986 memoir of her marriage to Steve, My Husband, My Friend.
In this exclusive interview with McQueenOnline Neile talks candidly about her life with Steve,
her reasons for writing the book, and it's unexpected impact on her life.
MO: There are so many people out there who still, today, are so passionate about Steve McQueen,
even though he's been gone since 1980. As his wife, I guess you wonder why other people get so connected
to somebody they've never met.
Neile: I don't think you can explain that. I think you walk into a room and there's a stranger across the crowded room and you go right to them. So you just never know. But on the other hand,
with Steve and I, because our backgrounds are so similar, I mean because we had all the stuff going on in our lives, it was just a natural chemistry that drew us together. We just understood each other right from the very beginning.
MO: That's a very special thing and it's hard to find.
Neile: Yes, yes... So he moved in with me in a few days time, because it was either me move into his place, which was awful (laughs), or he move into mine, which was fairly good because I was a working Broadway dancer.
MO: When you first released My Husband, My Friend you expressed that you were unhappy with
the books that were out at the time, and that you wanted to clear up misconceptions.
Neile: There were a few things that happened, I mean I didn't really do that to 'set the record straight', I hate that phrase anyway. I just wanted to... just say it the way it was, and also describe him the way he was, because most of those people had never even met him. Like if you look at certain books that came out after mine, most of what they write is taken from my book, and then they give me credit for saying... "Neile said this" and "Neile said that", "according to Neile"... you know what I mean... there's a lot of that shit that drove me crazy (laughs). But there was another writer who said, "I was the only journalist that he would talk to." I mean... I was around at that time, I thought to myself, "when would he meet with Steve, at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning? That's ridiculous."
Also, somehow, I think the very first book on Steve, I believe when he was still doing Wanted, for some crazy reason they put his height at 5'7", which is totally ludicrous. I've got his passports to prove that he was 5'10 1/2", 5'11". And they said, "well he looks tall because you're little." I said, "That's not the point, I always wear heels, too." (laughs) He was the same height as Bob Redford and Paul Newman,
they were all the same height. Like bookends.
MO: People still argue about that today.
Neile: It's ridiculous. And I'm there to tell them that it's not so and they'll argue with me!
And they've never even seen him! It's insane (laughs).
MO: So he was definitely 5'10 1/2"?
Neile: Oh yeah (laughs), in fact the last 2 passports had him at 5'11", I think it depended on his shoes.
MO: A popular legend is the rivalry between Steve McQueen and Paul Newman. Some writers would have it appear that it consumed Steve...
Neile: Oh, it didn't. But when the opportunity would arise, like when it did with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and The Towering Inferno, he would rise to the challenge and say, "Oh shit, this is my chance" (laughs) "I'd better do this". But no, he was not consumed by it. And they were friends... Friendly rivals they were.
MO: There are also several new books on Steve just released or about to be released at the moment.
Neile: Isn't it amazing. Books are starting to come out, so I thought, "well, might as well do it now, and get it out there." I've been talking about this for the last year, and finally I said "OK let's do it." It seems silly not to. Because it's such a good story anyway. And I think... for people reading this book... it will remind them... that there was a tremendous story between these two people.
MO: You've brought the book up to date with present events...
Neile: I changed the cover, and I added a new epilogue, which encompasses
Steve's, my daughter's and my husband's deaths.
MO: You also include more photos?
Neile: And I put more photographs in there, just to update it.
MO: You said that you had to be sensitive when you started to write the book back in 1985 because of Al.
Neile: My husband, yes. He was so kind, and so sweet. Because I had all this stuff inside me that was just waiting to get out, because when Steve died I had just gotten re-married, and it was very difficult to grieve in front of a new husband, so consequently it all started coming out on paper, and Al said "Oh for God's sake, let me get you a word processor, and let's get this out of the way." And he said, "but I'm warning you, this is going to be the end of it, OK, because as much as I love you, and I know you love me, this shit has got to stop." (laughs) So I said "just let me get this out," and true, as soon as my book was over, as soon as the tour was over for the book it was fabulous, it was a fabulous feeling of relief, and then my marriage started with Al really.
MO: So it was a very complete thing for you emotionally.
Neile: Yeah, it was a closure.
MO: You really managed to capture Steve in such a real way that the reader can feel his personality coming through the pages. Can you tell me about the creative process you went through in writing My Husband, My Friend?
Neile: I just did the book from beginning to end, as life unfolded. I had to leave some stuff out, because it got too long, we had to edit out a few things, but on the whole it's all there. I had tons of scrap books - probably about 40 scrapbooks from the time we got married in 1956 till 1968.
So the scrapbooks were there to begin with, and I just would paste everything. So it was our life
together. On top of that I also kept journals, which I still do. And with the scrapbooks and my journals,
when I needed a point of reference, it was pretty easy to really follow it through.
MO: When the book came out in 1986, the Hollywood press were very hard on you for talking about the worst aspects of the marriage breakdown....
Neile: That drove me crazy at the very beginning... they were sort of
unforgiving towards me because I was revealing secrets, so to speak. Priscilla Presley actually started that, and then I did it. But now they understand more... they thought at that point in time I was just calling Steve a wife beater, which is ridiculous. The man never laid a hand on me for the first 14 years of our life together, but the fact that I'd had an affair just really drove him over the edge, and I expected that, really, because I knew him so well, but I didn't think it would destroy our marriage. But it did.
MO: It was a very emotionally "explosive" time for you both...
Neile: Yes, he had... fortunate on one hand and unfortunate on the other...
he had me up on a pedestal, the man really adored me. But he just couldn't help himself as far as the women were concerned, and plus his mid-life crisis coincided with the sexual revolution and the drug culture and all that... I always say that the 'flower children' ruined my life. Because that's when it all really began. While he was discrete in the beginning when he would have a fling here and there, now he would say " well why do I have to hide?" So, anyway, he had me up on this pedestal, and when he found out that I'd had a fling to get even with him, it was difficult for him to take.
For the first 14 years of our lives together he never laid a hand on me. He would explode and he'd be angry and we'd be arguing and all that but he never, never laid a finger on me.
But unfortunately one night, in Le Mans, he gave me some coke. He didn't force me, but he kept saying
"oh please do"... and I was so exhausted and I knew he was not going to let
me go to sleep if I didn't have some coke with him. So I said "OK let me have some." And as soon as I had some.... I don't do any of that stuff, I don't even drink... and it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I started to giggle, which was really surprising. And Steve, having the insticts of an animal, he really did have that, he, I think, knew somewhere along the way that his wife had had an affair somewhere... had done something, because he kept saying, "well you know baby, I'd understand. I would really understand if you had because I've put you through hell." And then I said "really honey?" Well, that was all I had to say... that was my big mistake. Because I never, never would have said anything to Steve. But when I said "really," and I suddenly saw that pain in his eyes because he knew... I thought, "Oh my, this feels good," so I kept on, boy, and that was it, that really started the end.
MO: As much as Steve was dealing with his own pain, you were dealing with your own too because you'd gone through a lot.
Neile: The funny thing is, had he not turned violent on me, I would most likely, I would say 90 percent likely, I would have stayed in that marriage and just rode it out until he got tired of all that shit, which eventually they all do. But unfortunately I couldn't handle the terrorizing more than anything else.
MO: His violent response to you was horrible. I believe it's highly likely that you were the only adult link in his life which represented unconditional love.
Neile: Absolutely.
MO: You were the only link that he'd ever had in his life. And when that failed, it was like it devastated some fragile aspect of his soul that he'd been very precariously holding onto all his life. And he snapped.
Neile: That's absolutely correct, and he was never the same after that. And unfortunately for poor Ali, who was really crazy about him... it was a whole different deal, it became a whole different life
altogether. He just let himself go, he let his beard grow, he gained weight... all that stuff... he just didn't care. You know... it was like... I mean I really had done it to him, and I really felt guilty about that, I didn't mean to.
MO: Will you have much creative control over the recently announced upcoming film version of My Husband, My Friend?
Neile: Oh yes. That's the reason this book has never been done, is because I need to have some creative control... especially with the young people today who are emerging as producers, because they don't have the life experience, so they are going to go for the womanizing and the drugs and the violence. I know that is what's going to happen because I've had talks with them, and all they can see is that. They forget that the thrust of this story is the love story between two people, and that other stuff is all sidebars. I'll be consultant. We haven't got a home yet, but we will.
MO: So you're confident that your vision will hit the screens?
Neile: Yes.
MO: Hypothetical Question...Clint Eastwood has made some of his biggest and most successful films in his 60's with The Unforgiven and in his 70's with Million Dollar Baby. If Steve was still alive what sort of films do you think he would have been making?
Neile: He was not a film maker. Steve was too subjective. I don't think he would have been able to produce the way Warren Beatty or Clint Eastwood do. That's why Le Mans was such a disaster. I mean, now it's become a cult film, because of the racing and all that, but he couldn't even decide on the leading lady for God's sake, but of course all 'the problems' were arising then, so maybe I'm short changing Steve in that area, but I don't think so... because he did a lot of directing for Tom Horn. (editorial comment: Tom Horn is a great but deeply flawed film.) He was wonderful with details, you know, but he didn't have the overall vision that Clint Eastwood does.
MO: Then as an actor (you played a major part in helping him pick his best roles) what sort of roles would you have had him play in his 50's and 60's?
Neile: That I don't know, I would have had to read the script, but certainly... play his age.
I wouldn't have had him playing opposite a 20-year-old when he was 60 pretending to be 30.
MO: Do you think he would have turned into a good character actor?
Neile: He really was a fabulous actor. And that Enemy of the People, when he first told me about it, I forgot about Ibsen, I was thinking, "Oh, OK... he's doing a western." But when he took me to see it, and I suddenly realised what I was looking at... I didn't even recognise him for the first seven minutes I think, and I finally said, "My God, is that you?" He said, "shut up!" (laughs) Cuz he was fat, and he's got this beard, and these glasses. But once I settled down, settled back and just relaxed to see what was going on... I mean he really did work hard on it... he had a kid working with him from UCLA for his lines and all that stuff. But he was wonderful, he was very good, but it was just not the sort of thing people would come to see Steve in.
MO: Why do you think he made An Enemy of the People?
Neile He had to do a film for First Artists, he owed them that, and they kept saying "you've got to do a movie... you've got to do another movie for us." And one day, at Ali's and Steve's house... there were some books there... and he grabbed a book and he said, "OK this one," he opened the pages and he said, "I'm gonna do this one," and it happened to be An Enemy of the People. It's as simple as that.
MO: You mean to say that it could have been any book in the pile?
Neile: It could have been any book (laughs).
MO: Would you say there was an animosity towards First Artists?
Neile: He was just irritated at the company telling him "you've GOT to do a picture". He owed them one picture. The Getaway was a First Artists picture, and he owed them another picture, and this was already 1978 (laughs).
MO: You were very influential in helping Steve pick his best films. I think the last role you chose for him, the title role in Papillon, represents the peak of his career...
Neile: You know how that happened to be... My decorator read Papillon, and he gave it to me, he said "read this Neile, I think it might just be great for Steve," and it was. Steve was concerned about the accent, because it happens on Devil's Island which is a French region. And I said, "look, I saw a movie with Humphrey Bogart about Devil's Island, everybody spoke with an American accent, but it was believed... everybody believed they were in a French colony." So that's why nobody had an accent in Papillon. He was fabulous in that movie, I don't know why he didn't get nominated.
MO: You're still performing yourself, you're still singing, and you've got four CD's available at the moment.
Neile: I do. I've got another one coming up soon too. We're working on it now.
MO: Can you give any details about the songs on the new CD?
Neile: You know I do, almost always, Broadway show tunes, but the opening this time, for me, which is a departure from what I do, is a Keith Urban song called 'I Wanna Love Somebody Like You.' And so I tried that, and I think it turned out OK. But then the rest are show tunes. It generally details the story of my life. I've got a section there which I call the bio-medley which is a series of songs about me and Steve from the time we met.
the woman who shared everything with him. Neile has just re-released, in
a new special 20th Anniversary edition, her highly successful and deeply intimate
1986 memoir of her marriage to Steve, My Husband, My Friend.
In this exclusive interview with McQueenOnline Neile talks candidly about her life with Steve,
her reasons for writing the book, and it's unexpected impact on her life.
MO: There are so many people out there who still, today, are so passionate about Steve McQueen,
even though he's been gone since 1980. As his wife, I guess you wonder why other people get so connected
to somebody they've never met.
Neile: I don't think you can explain that. I think you walk into a room and there's a stranger across the crowded room and you go right to them. So you just never know. But on the other hand,
with Steve and I, because our backgrounds are so similar, I mean because we had all the stuff going on in our lives, it was just a natural chemistry that drew us together. We just understood each other right from the very beginning.
MO: That's a very special thing and it's hard to find.
Neile: Yes, yes... So he moved in with me in a few days time, because it was either me move into his place, which was awful (laughs), or he move into mine, which was fairly good because I was a working Broadway dancer.
MO: When you first released My Husband, My Friend you expressed that you were unhappy with
the books that were out at the time, and that you wanted to clear up misconceptions.
Neile: There were a few things that happened, I mean I didn't really do that to 'set the record straight', I hate that phrase anyway. I just wanted to... just say it the way it was, and also describe him the way he was, because most of those people had never even met him. Like if you look at certain books that came out after mine, most of what they write is taken from my book, and then they give me credit for saying... "Neile said this" and "Neile said that", "according to Neile"... you know what I mean... there's a lot of that shit that drove me crazy (laughs). But there was another writer who said, "I was the only journalist that he would talk to." I mean... I was around at that time, I thought to myself, "when would he meet with Steve, at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning? That's ridiculous."
Also, somehow, I think the very first book on Steve, I believe when he was still doing Wanted, for some crazy reason they put his height at 5'7", which is totally ludicrous. I've got his passports to prove that he was 5'10 1/2", 5'11". And they said, "well he looks tall because you're little." I said, "That's not the point, I always wear heels, too." (laughs) He was the same height as Bob Redford and Paul Newman,
they were all the same height. Like bookends.
MO: People still argue about that today.
Neile: It's ridiculous. And I'm there to tell them that it's not so and they'll argue with me!
And they've never even seen him! It's insane (laughs).
MO: So he was definitely 5'10 1/2"?
Neile: Oh yeah (laughs), in fact the last 2 passports had him at 5'11", I think it depended on his shoes.
MO: A popular legend is the rivalry between Steve McQueen and Paul Newman. Some writers would have it appear that it consumed Steve...
Neile: Oh, it didn't. But when the opportunity would arise, like when it did with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and The Towering Inferno, he would rise to the challenge and say, "Oh shit, this is my chance" (laughs) "I'd better do this". But no, he was not consumed by it. And they were friends... Friendly rivals they were.
MO: There are also several new books on Steve just released or about to be released at the moment.
Neile: Isn't it amazing. Books are starting to come out, so I thought, "well, might as well do it now, and get it out there." I've been talking about this for the last year, and finally I said "OK let's do it." It seems silly not to. Because it's such a good story anyway. And I think... for people reading this book... it will remind them... that there was a tremendous story between these two people.
MO: You've brought the book up to date with present events...
Neile: I changed the cover, and I added a new epilogue, which encompasses
Steve's, my daughter's and my husband's deaths.
MO: You also include more photos?
Neile: And I put more photographs in there, just to update it.
MO: You said that you had to be sensitive when you started to write the book back in 1985 because of Al.
Neile: My husband, yes. He was so kind, and so sweet. Because I had all this stuff inside me that was just waiting to get out, because when Steve died I had just gotten re-married, and it was very difficult to grieve in front of a new husband, so consequently it all started coming out on paper, and Al said "Oh for God's sake, let me get you a word processor, and let's get this out of the way." And he said, "but I'm warning you, this is going to be the end of it, OK, because as much as I love you, and I know you love me, this shit has got to stop." (laughs) So I said "just let me get this out," and true, as soon as my book was over, as soon as the tour was over for the book it was fabulous, it was a fabulous feeling of relief, and then my marriage started with Al really.
MO: So it was a very complete thing for you emotionally.
Neile: Yeah, it was a closure.
MO: You really managed to capture Steve in such a real way that the reader can feel his personality coming through the pages. Can you tell me about the creative process you went through in writing My Husband, My Friend?
Neile: I just did the book from beginning to end, as life unfolded. I had to leave some stuff out, because it got too long, we had to edit out a few things, but on the whole it's all there. I had tons of scrap books - probably about 40 scrapbooks from the time we got married in 1956 till 1968.
So the scrapbooks were there to begin with, and I just would paste everything. So it was our life
together. On top of that I also kept journals, which I still do. And with the scrapbooks and my journals,
when I needed a point of reference, it was pretty easy to really follow it through.
MO: When the book came out in 1986, the Hollywood press were very hard on you for talking about the worst aspects of the marriage breakdown....
Neile: That drove me crazy at the very beginning... they were sort of
unforgiving towards me because I was revealing secrets, so to speak. Priscilla Presley actually started that, and then I did it. But now they understand more... they thought at that point in time I was just calling Steve a wife beater, which is ridiculous. The man never laid a hand on me for the first 14 years of our life together, but the fact that I'd had an affair just really drove him over the edge, and I expected that, really, because I knew him so well, but I didn't think it would destroy our marriage. But it did.
MO: It was a very emotionally "explosive" time for you both...
Neile: Yes, he had... fortunate on one hand and unfortunate on the other...
he had me up on a pedestal, the man really adored me. But he just couldn't help himself as far as the women were concerned, and plus his mid-life crisis coincided with the sexual revolution and the drug culture and all that... I always say that the 'flower children' ruined my life. Because that's when it all really began. While he was discrete in the beginning when he would have a fling here and there, now he would say " well why do I have to hide?" So, anyway, he had me up on this pedestal, and when he found out that I'd had a fling to get even with him, it was difficult for him to take.
For the first 14 years of our lives together he never laid a hand on me. He would explode and he'd be angry and we'd be arguing and all that but he never, never laid a finger on me.
But unfortunately one night, in Le Mans, he gave me some coke. He didn't force me, but he kept saying
"oh please do"... and I was so exhausted and I knew he was not going to let
me go to sleep if I didn't have some coke with him. So I said "OK let me have some." And as soon as I had some.... I don't do any of that stuff, I don't even drink... and it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I started to giggle, which was really surprising. And Steve, having the insticts of an animal, he really did have that, he, I think, knew somewhere along the way that his wife had had an affair somewhere... had done something, because he kept saying, "well you know baby, I'd understand. I would really understand if you had because I've put you through hell." And then I said "really honey?" Well, that was all I had to say... that was my big mistake. Because I never, never would have said anything to Steve. But when I said "really," and I suddenly saw that pain in his eyes because he knew... I thought, "Oh my, this feels good," so I kept on, boy, and that was it, that really started the end.
MO: As much as Steve was dealing with his own pain, you were dealing with your own too because you'd gone through a lot.
Neile: The funny thing is, had he not turned violent on me, I would most likely, I would say 90 percent likely, I would have stayed in that marriage and just rode it out until he got tired of all that shit, which eventually they all do. But unfortunately I couldn't handle the terrorizing more than anything else.
MO: His violent response to you was horrible. I believe it's highly likely that you were the only adult link in his life which represented unconditional love.
Neile: Absolutely.
MO: You were the only link that he'd ever had in his life. And when that failed, it was like it devastated some fragile aspect of his soul that he'd been very precariously holding onto all his life. And he snapped.
Neile: That's absolutely correct, and he was never the same after that. And unfortunately for poor Ali, who was really crazy about him... it was a whole different deal, it became a whole different life
altogether. He just let himself go, he let his beard grow, he gained weight... all that stuff... he just didn't care. You know... it was like... I mean I really had done it to him, and I really felt guilty about that, I didn't mean to.
MO: Will you have much creative control over the recently announced upcoming film version of My Husband, My Friend?
Neile: Oh yes. That's the reason this book has never been done, is because I need to have some creative control... especially with the young people today who are emerging as producers, because they don't have the life experience, so they are going to go for the womanizing and the drugs and the violence. I know that is what's going to happen because I've had talks with them, and all they can see is that. They forget that the thrust of this story is the love story between two people, and that other stuff is all sidebars. I'll be consultant. We haven't got a home yet, but we will.
MO: So you're confident that your vision will hit the screens?
Neile: Yes.
MO: Hypothetical Question...Clint Eastwood has made some of his biggest and most successful films in his 60's with The Unforgiven and in his 70's with Million Dollar Baby. If Steve was still alive what sort of films do you think he would have been making?
Neile: He was not a film maker. Steve was too subjective. I don't think he would have been able to produce the way Warren Beatty or Clint Eastwood do. That's why Le Mans was such a disaster. I mean, now it's become a cult film, because of the racing and all that, but he couldn't even decide on the leading lady for God's sake, but of course all 'the problems' were arising then, so maybe I'm short changing Steve in that area, but I don't think so... because he did a lot of directing for Tom Horn. (editorial comment: Tom Horn is a great but deeply flawed film.) He was wonderful with details, you know, but he didn't have the overall vision that Clint Eastwood does.
MO: Then as an actor (you played a major part in helping him pick his best roles) what sort of roles would you have had him play in his 50's and 60's?
Neile: That I don't know, I would have had to read the script, but certainly... play his age.
I wouldn't have had him playing opposite a 20-year-old when he was 60 pretending to be 30.
MO: Do you think he would have turned into a good character actor?
Neile: He really was a fabulous actor. And that Enemy of the People, when he first told me about it, I forgot about Ibsen, I was thinking, "Oh, OK... he's doing a western." But when he took me to see it, and I suddenly realised what I was looking at... I didn't even recognise him for the first seven minutes I think, and I finally said, "My God, is that you?" He said, "shut up!" (laughs) Cuz he was fat, and he's got this beard, and these glasses. But once I settled down, settled back and just relaxed to see what was going on... I mean he really did work hard on it... he had a kid working with him from UCLA for his lines and all that stuff. But he was wonderful, he was very good, but it was just not the sort of thing people would come to see Steve in.
MO: Why do you think he made An Enemy of the People?
Neile He had to do a film for First Artists, he owed them that, and they kept saying "you've got to do a movie... you've got to do another movie for us." And one day, at Ali's and Steve's house... there were some books there... and he grabbed a book and he said, "OK this one," he opened the pages and he said, "I'm gonna do this one," and it happened to be An Enemy of the People. It's as simple as that.
MO: You mean to say that it could have been any book in the pile?
Neile: It could have been any book (laughs).
MO: Would you say there was an animosity towards First Artists?
Neile: He was just irritated at the company telling him "you've GOT to do a picture". He owed them one picture. The Getaway was a First Artists picture, and he owed them another picture, and this was already 1978 (laughs).
MO: You were very influential in helping Steve pick his best films. I think the last role you chose for him, the title role in Papillon, represents the peak of his career...
Neile: You know how that happened to be... My decorator read Papillon, and he gave it to me, he said "read this Neile, I think it might just be great for Steve," and it was. Steve was concerned about the accent, because it happens on Devil's Island which is a French region. And I said, "look, I saw a movie with Humphrey Bogart about Devil's Island, everybody spoke with an American accent, but it was believed... everybody believed they were in a French colony." So that's why nobody had an accent in Papillon. He was fabulous in that movie, I don't know why he didn't get nominated.
MO: You're still performing yourself, you're still singing, and you've got four CD's available at the moment.
Neile: I do. I've got another one coming up soon too. We're working on it now.
MO: Can you give any details about the songs on the new CD?
Neile: You know I do, almost always, Broadway show tunes, but the opening this time, for me, which is a departure from what I do, is a Keith Urban song called 'I Wanna Love Somebody Like You.' And so I tried that, and I think it turned out OK. But then the rest are show tunes. It generally details the story of my life. I've got a section there which I call the bio-medley which is a series of songs about me and Steve from the time we met.
Why Won't He Say I Love You?
On a second date with a woman I was surprised that she decided to ask me the most difficult question that you could ask a man. She asked "Do you love me?" I paused for a moment to figure out what I was going to say. Do I lie and say yes? or do I tell the truth and say no, is this a loaded question with no correct answer I was thinking?
I collected my thoughts and said "I don't know yet, this is only our second date". This came from my heart and was the truth, I could not possibly tell a woman on the second date whether I love her or not. Asking me just creeped me out completely and put me in an awkward position, where I did not know what to say. Her manner just completely changed when I gave my reply, all of a sudden she just went into a stroppy mood. In the end she just ended up walking out. I thought maybe she just wanted a way to end the date, so she decided to sabotage it. This idea was thrown out the window a few weeks later, when she contacted me again and said she would give it another go. As if I had done something wrong by telling her the truth and she was giving me a second chance.
So why did I have so much difficulty saying the words "I love you"? Well first of all I would have been lying, second of all she was asking me far too soon, after just two dates. Most important of all to a man it would have signalled a new era in the relationship where you move from dating to an extreme closeness where both of you have to contact each other everyday and know what each other is doing. I would not have had a problem saying the words I love you, if I meant it, if we were in an established relationship and if I was prepared to move the relationship onto the next stage.
In General though, men hate the words "I love you", men hate emotional stuff!
There are men that will say "I love you" just to please you, when they don't mean it.
There are men that will say "I love you" and mean it.
There are men that won't say "I love you" because they can't say it with meaning.
There are men that won't say "I love you" because they find it too difficult to say those words.
All men will particularly hate saying the words "I love you" in front of their male friends. Men hate emotional things and by saying it in front of their friends it makes them look and sound like a wimp and means their friends will be making fun of them up until the point where your relationship has ended.
My advice: don't ask him too early on in the relationship whether he loves you. Men who really are in love with you, will usually pluck up the courage to say it to you eventually anyway, when they feel right saying it and when they are not with their friends or in a public place. Most men find it difficult to express emotional stuff, so don't make it even more difficult for him. They won't be saying those words because they enjoy saying them, they will be saying them because they want to please you.
If he says that he can't answer that yet, at least he is being honest. He does not want to say "I love you" because he is confused and because he thinks he won't mean it. At least if he says "I love you" in the future you know he means it!
To women "I love you" are powerful words, to a man, it is just boring emotional stuff, that he prefers not to deal with, but he has to say "I love you" to satisfy a woman's needs.
I collected my thoughts and said "I don't know yet, this is only our second date". This came from my heart and was the truth, I could not possibly tell a woman on the second date whether I love her or not. Asking me just creeped me out completely and put me in an awkward position, where I did not know what to say. Her manner just completely changed when I gave my reply, all of a sudden she just went into a stroppy mood. In the end she just ended up walking out. I thought maybe she just wanted a way to end the date, so she decided to sabotage it. This idea was thrown out the window a few weeks later, when she contacted me again and said she would give it another go. As if I had done something wrong by telling her the truth and she was giving me a second chance.
So why did I have so much difficulty saying the words "I love you"? Well first of all I would have been lying, second of all she was asking me far too soon, after just two dates. Most important of all to a man it would have signalled a new era in the relationship where you move from dating to an extreme closeness where both of you have to contact each other everyday and know what each other is doing. I would not have had a problem saying the words I love you, if I meant it, if we were in an established relationship and if I was prepared to move the relationship onto the next stage.
In General though, men hate the words "I love you", men hate emotional stuff!
There are men that will say "I love you" just to please you, when they don't mean it.
There are men that will say "I love you" and mean it.
There are men that won't say "I love you" because they can't say it with meaning.
There are men that won't say "I love you" because they find it too difficult to say those words.
All men will particularly hate saying the words "I love you" in front of their male friends. Men hate emotional things and by saying it in front of their friends it makes them look and sound like a wimp and means their friends will be making fun of them up until the point where your relationship has ended.
My advice: don't ask him too early on in the relationship whether he loves you. Men who really are in love with you, will usually pluck up the courage to say it to you eventually anyway, when they feel right saying it and when they are not with their friends or in a public place. Most men find it difficult to express emotional stuff, so don't make it even more difficult for him. They won't be saying those words because they enjoy saying them, they will be saying them because they want to please you.
If he says that he can't answer that yet, at least he is being honest. He does not want to say "I love you" because he is confused and because he thinks he won't mean it. At least if he says "I love you" in the future you know he means it!
To women "I love you" are powerful words, to a man, it is just boring emotional stuff, that he prefers not to deal with, but he has to say "I love you" to satisfy a woman's needs.
The Diverse 90s - Classic Songs From Grunge to Teen Pop Madness
The 90s were certainly a strange period in the history of music. Perhaps this is due to the wide variety of genres and styles that emerged during the decade or perhaps it's because not one artist or genre seems to define the decade.
The beginning of the 90s was characterized by the rise of grunge and alternative rock into the mainstream and the disappearance of classic rock. The lead band of this genre was by far Nirvana with their classic song "Smells Like Teen Spirit" becoming an anthem for a generation. While grunge would disappear from the mainstream, alternative rock would continue throughout the 90s until today with bands such as Green Day and Blink 182.
For the first time ever, urban pop began to constantly dominate the charts, at least in North America. Artists such as Boyz II Men, Mariah Carey and TLC were almost a constant presence on the radio, and continue to inspire today's RnB artists with songs such as "One Sweet Day" or "No Scrubs". Urban pop arguably dominates the charts today more than ever before.
Hip-hop also made its mainstream debut in the 90s and today has a permanent place in contemporary music. The pioneers from this period include the Notorious B.I.G., MC Hammer, 2Pac and Snopp Dogg. Notable classic songs from this era include "Changes" from 2Pac and "Gangsta's Paradise" from Coolio.
Teen pop made a comeback in the late 90s, bigger than it ever was in the late 80s and early 90s. Bands such as the Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls and singers such as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were an undeniable presence on the airwaves and charts. Such artists defined the late 90s while all other genres took a backseat. Classic songs from this genre include "Baby One More Time" from Britney Spears, "Wannabe" from the Spice Girls and "As Long As You Love Me" from the Backstreet Boys.
I like to define the 90s like a fruit and vegetable salad, it was essentially a mix of so many genres and styles never seen before, but which did produce some memorable and classic songs.
The beginning of the 90s was characterized by the rise of grunge and alternative rock into the mainstream and the disappearance of classic rock. The lead band of this genre was by far Nirvana with their classic song "Smells Like Teen Spirit" becoming an anthem for a generation. While grunge would disappear from the mainstream, alternative rock would continue throughout the 90s until today with bands such as Green Day and Blink 182.
For the first time ever, urban pop began to constantly dominate the charts, at least in North America. Artists such as Boyz II Men, Mariah Carey and TLC were almost a constant presence on the radio, and continue to inspire today's RnB artists with songs such as "One Sweet Day" or "No Scrubs". Urban pop arguably dominates the charts today more than ever before.
Hip-hop also made its mainstream debut in the 90s and today has a permanent place in contemporary music. The pioneers from this period include the Notorious B.I.G., MC Hammer, 2Pac and Snopp Dogg. Notable classic songs from this era include "Changes" from 2Pac and "Gangsta's Paradise" from Coolio.
Teen pop made a comeback in the late 90s, bigger than it ever was in the late 80s and early 90s. Bands such as the Backstreet Boys and the Spice Girls and singers such as Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were an undeniable presence on the airwaves and charts. Such artists defined the late 90s while all other genres took a backseat. Classic songs from this genre include "Baby One More Time" from Britney Spears, "Wannabe" from the Spice Girls and "As Long As You Love Me" from the Backstreet Boys.
I like to define the 90s like a fruit and vegetable salad, it was essentially a mix of so many genres and styles never seen before, but which did produce some memorable and classic songs.
When She's Lost Interest - How to Turn Her ON!
Do you ever wonder why the woman you're with suddenly withdraws her sexual interest?
Do you ever wonder if it's something you did or could have avoided?
The good news is that this unfortunately all-too-common dilemma can be avoided, simply by understanding how sexual dynamics work.
If you're like 99 percent of red-blooded men, you've probably said or thought something like this in your lifetime: "I'm always ready for sex."
Maybe you told your partner, "Anytime." And if you're like a lot of men, you reminder her of this everyday, yet it doesn't increase her desire to have sex with you.
It seems normal to want sex all the time - if you're a man. But women find such exuberance suspect. For women, the desire for sex is driven by so many shifting external and emotional factors that to be always "on" and always "hot" seems a bit disconnected from everything else.
The question that comes to women's minds is: "Can this be love?"
Often when I help clients explore their always-ready sexual pattern, there's an unconscious belief that a man "should" be ready. He "should" be ready because he's a man and men are supposed to want sex - any kind of sex, anytime. Even if they're not attracted, even if they're married, even if there's no emotional connection.
For men, "fear of scarcity" also affects readiness. "I'd better take it while I can get it."
Even men who are married and get a good deal of sex or, who have enjoyed success with women casually, still have this always-ready switch turned to "on." Having a lot of sex doesn't guarantee a man will relax and bask in his abundance.
A man's constant need, want and eager "trot to the gate" is not only exhausting, but leaves no room for a woman to want. Just as a man's perception of scarcity fires him up to be a ready and eager partner, a woman's lack of scarcity leaves her without an appetite. She lives at a virtual sexual buffet, where sex is always on the table.
A woman wants to be desired, make no mistake about that, but your being primed at the gate is not about your desire for her. She perceives this as more about you and your pressing physical urges. So issuing a "no" is easy for her.
How to Become the Lover She Wants
If you're under 50, testosterone can drive you to want sex, a lot. It can override your ability to think clearly and to be present. Until you reign in your sexual energy and master it, your sex drive will run you and negatively effect how your partner feels about being sexual with you.
Listen to your woman when she says: "All you ever care about is sex" because the deeper communication is: "I don't believe you love me. You only want me for sex." She can sense the difference between your instinct to release, and your desire to make love to her.
It requires know-how and practice to master your innate, primal sexual desire. As you work on mastering this, you can also gain the skills for mastering your orgasm and ejaculation.
Your ability to "master" your instinctual urges makes a woman feel safe, and feel respect for you. When she feels safe, that you in "in control" of your sexual experience, she can open herself up completely to you, and to her own pleasure.
By mastering your sexual domain, you demonstrate love and a desire to express love, and this will turn any woman into a more interested lover.
Do you ever wonder if it's something you did or could have avoided?
The good news is that this unfortunately all-too-common dilemma can be avoided, simply by understanding how sexual dynamics work.
If you're like 99 percent of red-blooded men, you've probably said or thought something like this in your lifetime: "I'm always ready for sex."
Maybe you told your partner, "Anytime." And if you're like a lot of men, you reminder her of this everyday, yet it doesn't increase her desire to have sex with you.
It seems normal to want sex all the time - if you're a man. But women find such exuberance suspect. For women, the desire for sex is driven by so many shifting external and emotional factors that to be always "on" and always "hot" seems a bit disconnected from everything else.
The question that comes to women's minds is: "Can this be love?"
Often when I help clients explore their always-ready sexual pattern, there's an unconscious belief that a man "should" be ready. He "should" be ready because he's a man and men are supposed to want sex - any kind of sex, anytime. Even if they're not attracted, even if they're married, even if there's no emotional connection.
For men, "fear of scarcity" also affects readiness. "I'd better take it while I can get it."
Even men who are married and get a good deal of sex or, who have enjoyed success with women casually, still have this always-ready switch turned to "on." Having a lot of sex doesn't guarantee a man will relax and bask in his abundance.
A man's constant need, want and eager "trot to the gate" is not only exhausting, but leaves no room for a woman to want. Just as a man's perception of scarcity fires him up to be a ready and eager partner, a woman's lack of scarcity leaves her without an appetite. She lives at a virtual sexual buffet, where sex is always on the table.
A woman wants to be desired, make no mistake about that, but your being primed at the gate is not about your desire for her. She perceives this as more about you and your pressing physical urges. So issuing a "no" is easy for her.
How to Become the Lover She Wants
If you're under 50, testosterone can drive you to want sex, a lot. It can override your ability to think clearly and to be present. Until you reign in your sexual energy and master it, your sex drive will run you and negatively effect how your partner feels about being sexual with you.
Listen to your woman when she says: "All you ever care about is sex" because the deeper communication is: "I don't believe you love me. You only want me for sex." She can sense the difference between your instinct to release, and your desire to make love to her.
It requires know-how and practice to master your innate, primal sexual desire. As you work on mastering this, you can also gain the skills for mastering your orgasm and ejaculation.
Your ability to "master" your instinctual urges makes a woman feel safe, and feel respect for you. When she feels safe, that you in "in control" of your sexual experience, she can open herself up completely to you, and to her own pleasure.
By mastering your sexual domain, you demonstrate love and a desire to express love, and this will turn any woman into a more interested lover.
Great Moments in Opera - Bizet's Habanera From Carmen
The role of the gypsy girl Carmen from Bizet's opera by the same name is arguably the most famous ever written for a mezzo-soprano. The story of Carmen being a tragic love story between the sexually alluring Carmen and a simple corporal by the name of "Don Jose".
As for the story of Carmen, it starts near a tobacco factory in Seville where a young lady by the name of Michaela is looking for Don Jose with a message from his mother that she wants him to marry Michaela. Don Jose for his part more to render joy to his mother agrees with her decision.
It however is at that point that the girls from the tobacco factory go out on their break, to enjoy the day as well as flirt with the soldiers from the nearby army barracks where Don Jose happens to be stationed. It is a fine lovely day and all is as usual with the soldiers trying to make on impression on the women who work at the tobacco factory yet there is one whose absence many have not overlooked. Carmen being the one who many of the soldiers were waiting to see as they shout "ou est la Carmencita?" (where is Carmen) in the hope that she might not disappoint by making her presence felt among them.
It is however as all are waiting and crying out for Carmen, that she makes a stunning appearance in all her raw gypsy sexuality that so many of the men at the nearby fort desire. Carmen being one who is young with a body which though not thin exhibits strong traits of sex appeal in its plumpness that includes large breasts along with legs and hips that make her an object of stare specially when she walks about all the soldiers; whom she knows all too well are at her disposal should she choose to but show interest in one of them. Carmen however makes it clear that she is not interested as she before beginning her aria Habanera answers the question "when will you love us?" with the words "I don't know when but not today that is for sure.
It is then with the eyes of all on her as she sways her body to the sound of the music which seems to go back and forth; almost as seductively as Carmen herself that she begins by announcing "le amour est infant de boheme que ma jamais jamais connu de loi". This meaning "love is a child of gypsies which has never known the rule of law". Carmen at that moment knowing she has the attention as well as sexual desires of all trained on her, continues her almost speech about love by adding "if you love me I do not love you but if I were to love you then be on your guard". Carmen however is also aware that Don Jose is not paying attention to her which makes her more willing to draw the lust from him she has from all the rest that be about. This factor being what makes Carmen all the more determined to release all of her female passion, as she sings this aria while expressing equally as much with her body and naturally coquette ways which not only make Don Jose fall madly in love but see her as a sorceress.
The aria "Habanera" is one of the sexiest ever composed, as it is one that not only because of its lyrics but melody flirts with its viewers, as if provoking them yet teasing them with what is not for them. This an aria that not only requires a singer to be able to sing as a mezzo-soprano but have the temperament of a woman like Carmen; who in her aggression is capable of putting fear even in to the most intrepid of seducers. She being one who is all too carefree to the point of ridiculing all convention as she lives by her own rules and nobody else's.
As for my personal opinion (though many have sung "Habanera") it is Angela Gheorghiu whose performance truly captures the spirit of Carmen both with her voice as well as the essence of her womanhood which lends itself perfectly toward playing this woman capable of bringing chills to almost any male she aim her femininity at. This perhaps being Gheorghiu's capricious Latin nature along with eyes that seem to be playing with her audience as well as those who should be opposite her on stage. Gheorghiu however despite her wonderful interpretation of "Habanera" has never performed all of the opera Carmen. As she has limited herself to only this aria yet I am most hopeful of one day seeing her take on the whole role in what is bound to be another great performance by my favorite all time diva.
As for the aria "Habanera" though I have heard it many times through out the years in several films as well as commercials; I will never forget the first time my ears picked up on it which was on "The Odd Couple". This occasion in an episode in which a shy coworker of Oscar's is asked by Felix to play the part of Carmen in a small production.
As for the story of Carmen, it starts near a tobacco factory in Seville where a young lady by the name of Michaela is looking for Don Jose with a message from his mother that she wants him to marry Michaela. Don Jose for his part more to render joy to his mother agrees with her decision.
It however is at that point that the girls from the tobacco factory go out on their break, to enjoy the day as well as flirt with the soldiers from the nearby army barracks where Don Jose happens to be stationed. It is a fine lovely day and all is as usual with the soldiers trying to make on impression on the women who work at the tobacco factory yet there is one whose absence many have not overlooked. Carmen being the one who many of the soldiers were waiting to see as they shout "ou est la Carmencita?" (where is Carmen) in the hope that she might not disappoint by making her presence felt among them.
It is however as all are waiting and crying out for Carmen, that she makes a stunning appearance in all her raw gypsy sexuality that so many of the men at the nearby fort desire. Carmen being one who is young with a body which though not thin exhibits strong traits of sex appeal in its plumpness that includes large breasts along with legs and hips that make her an object of stare specially when she walks about all the soldiers; whom she knows all too well are at her disposal should she choose to but show interest in one of them. Carmen however makes it clear that she is not interested as she before beginning her aria Habanera answers the question "when will you love us?" with the words "I don't know when but not today that is for sure.
It is then with the eyes of all on her as she sways her body to the sound of the music which seems to go back and forth; almost as seductively as Carmen herself that she begins by announcing "le amour est infant de boheme que ma jamais jamais connu de loi". This meaning "love is a child of gypsies which has never known the rule of law". Carmen at that moment knowing she has the attention as well as sexual desires of all trained on her, continues her almost speech about love by adding "if you love me I do not love you but if I were to love you then be on your guard". Carmen however is also aware that Don Jose is not paying attention to her which makes her more willing to draw the lust from him she has from all the rest that be about. This factor being what makes Carmen all the more determined to release all of her female passion, as she sings this aria while expressing equally as much with her body and naturally coquette ways which not only make Don Jose fall madly in love but see her as a sorceress.
The aria "Habanera" is one of the sexiest ever composed, as it is one that not only because of its lyrics but melody flirts with its viewers, as if provoking them yet teasing them with what is not for them. This an aria that not only requires a singer to be able to sing as a mezzo-soprano but have the temperament of a woman like Carmen; who in her aggression is capable of putting fear even in to the most intrepid of seducers. She being one who is all too carefree to the point of ridiculing all convention as she lives by her own rules and nobody else's.
As for my personal opinion (though many have sung "Habanera") it is Angela Gheorghiu whose performance truly captures the spirit of Carmen both with her voice as well as the essence of her womanhood which lends itself perfectly toward playing this woman capable of bringing chills to almost any male she aim her femininity at. This perhaps being Gheorghiu's capricious Latin nature along with eyes that seem to be playing with her audience as well as those who should be opposite her on stage. Gheorghiu however despite her wonderful interpretation of "Habanera" has never performed all of the opera Carmen. As she has limited herself to only this aria yet I am most hopeful of one day seeing her take on the whole role in what is bound to be another great performance by my favorite all time diva.
As for the aria "Habanera" though I have heard it many times through out the years in several films as well as commercials; I will never forget the first time my ears picked up on it which was on "The Odd Couple". This occasion in an episode in which a shy coworker of Oscar's is asked by Felix to play the part of Carmen in a small production.
Love is a Verb and Actions Speak Louder Than Words
I have always believed love was a verb - an active word - a word that required action, not just quotes. What good does it say to say, "I love you" if there are no actions involved? Do you mean, "I love you but I don't have time for you"? Has the phrase become meaningless like,"Let's do lunch sometime"?
I have tried to teach all of my children that actions speak louder than words. So a recent conversation with one of my grown children was extremely upsetting to me. This child said, "Just because I don't call you doesn't mean I don't love you." Really? Given what this child knows about me and my recent circumstances, it seems odd not to get a quick phone call to say, "How are you, Mom?" I know it's not due to a generation gap because I have other children who understand actions speak louder than empty words.
For decades I have had the following poem hanging on my wall. The author is unknown, but during the '80s and '90s when I had it posted on my Music And Words website, I must have had thirty emails from people claiming to be the author of it. I purchased it during the '70s on a beautiful plaque, and the plaque said the author was unknown. I've searched for years to find if anyone has copyrighted it, which doesn't necessarily mean the copyright holder is the author (example: Happy Birthday Song was copyrighted by a woman who did not write the song). I've found no copyright, so author is still unknown.
I offer it with the invitation to copy it, use it, and live by it. All of us will die someday, and those left behind will treasure the poem.
If you're ever going to love me love me now, while I can know
All the sweet and tender feeling which from real affection flow.
Love me now, while I am living; do not wait till I am gone
And then chisel it in marble-- warm love words on ice-cold stone.
If you've dear, sweet thought of me, why not whisper them to me?
Don't you know 'twould make me happy and as glad as glad could be?
If you wait till I am sleeping, ne'er to waken here again,
There'll be walls of earth between us and I couldn't here you then.
If you knew someone was thirsting for a drop of water sweet
Would you be slow to bring it? Would you step with laggard feet?
There are tender hearts all round us who are thirsting for our love;
Why withhold from them what nature makes them crave all else above?
I won't need your kind caresses when the grass grows o'er my face;
I won't crave your love or kisses in my last low resting place.
So, then, if you love me any, if it's but a little bit,
Let me know it now while living; I can own and treasure it.
(Author Unknown, though many have claimed authorship)
April Lorier is an award-winning poet, writer, Author, Christian Speaker, Columnist, and former music teacher.
As a pastor's daughter and a survivor of severe child abuse, April Lorier has an intimate knowledge of child abuse in and out of the church. She founded COPE, Inc, for the retraining of abusive parents. Her testimony before the CA State Legislature helped with the passage of The Child Abuse and Neglect Reporting Act (CANRA), signed by Ronald Reagan.
I have tried to teach all of my children that actions speak louder than words. So a recent conversation with one of my grown children was extremely upsetting to me. This child said, "Just because I don't call you doesn't mean I don't love you." Really? Given what this child knows about me and my recent circumstances, it seems odd not to get a quick phone call to say, "How are you, Mom?" I know it's not due to a generation gap because I have other children who understand actions speak louder than empty words.
For decades I have had the following poem hanging on my wall. The author is unknown, but during the '80s and '90s when I had it posted on my Music And Words website, I must have had thirty emails from people claiming to be the author of it. I purchased it during the '70s on a beautiful plaque, and the plaque said the author was unknown. I've searched for years to find if anyone has copyrighted it, which doesn't necessarily mean the copyright holder is the author (example: Happy Birthday Song was copyrighted by a woman who did not write the song). I've found no copyright, so author is still unknown.
I offer it with the invitation to copy it, use it, and live by it. All of us will die someday, and those left behind will treasure the poem.
If you're ever going to love me love me now, while I can know
All the sweet and tender feeling which from real affection flow.
Love me now, while I am living; do not wait till I am gone
And then chisel it in marble-- warm love words on ice-cold stone.
If you've dear, sweet thought of me, why not whisper them to me?
Don't you know 'twould make me happy and as glad as glad could be?
If you wait till I am sleeping, ne'er to waken here again,
There'll be walls of earth between us and I couldn't here you then.
If you knew someone was thirsting for a drop of water sweet
Would you be slow to bring it? Would you step with laggard feet?
There are tender hearts all round us who are thirsting for our love;
Why withhold from them what nature makes them crave all else above?
I won't need your kind caresses when the grass grows o'er my face;
I won't crave your love or kisses in my last low resting place.
So, then, if you love me any, if it's but a little bit,
Let me know it now while living; I can own and treasure it.
(Author Unknown, though many have claimed authorship)
April Lorier is an award-winning poet, writer, Author, Christian Speaker, Columnist, and former music teacher.
As a pastor's daughter and a survivor of severe child abuse, April Lorier has an intimate knowledge of child abuse in and out of the church. She founded COPE, Inc, for the retraining of abusive parents. Her testimony before the CA State Legislature helped with the passage of The Child Abuse and Neglect Reporting Act (CANRA), signed by Ronald Reagan.
Old Fashioned Dog Training
Old-fashioned training methods, why should trainers come to the positive side? Because positive training works! It's fun for the dog and its fun for its family, it won't deteriorate the human animal bond, it will not cause negative stress or physical pain to your dog through the use of force or pain, and it's totally supported by science and the laws of learning just to add a few reasons.
What it also does is remove fault from the dog and passes the accountability for achievement on the human. It's sad to say that in the year 2011 with all the technology of our modern world some trainers are still living and using outdated methods coming out of the 1960's. These are usually traditional trainers who simply refuse to see the light at the end of the tunnel and disregard the laws of learning at all cost. Refuse to understand what behavior is; simply behaviour is a function of its consequences. Thorndike's law of cause and effect is always at play.
Not only is positive training exceedingly and amazingly operative, there is an entire era of scientific studies and research on the subject of behaviour modification, not only for dogs but for all species. Why are some trainers opposed, or scared to embrace the progressive or more sophisticated way of training.
There's always more than one way to reach the top of the mountain. Being closed minded and adamant about what they don't understand can create dogs that lose their homes and family and possibly their lives. Shouldn't the goal be to help in any way possible that will assist the dog in its understanding of what the owner is looking for from that dog?
"I want respect from my dog." This reasoning disguises some pretty scary logic -do you really think your dog would respect you more if you trained using correction and punishment, rather than lures and reinforcement? Look out for trainers, who claim harassment, bullying, and physical or psychological domination are necessary to get dogs to defer. What a perverse notion. On the contrary, you will gradually earn your dog's belief in you with understanding, compassion, and intelligent education via the laws of learning.
The dog should WANT to do it for me. I want dogs to voluntarily follow instructions because they have realized it is in their best interests. Quick and willing compliance are the bases of dog-friendly dog training. You can coerce, or force a dog to do things your way, when on leash However, when off-leash and out of your reach; he might ignore your commands.
During the training process, your dog will formulate positive and negative associations about training and about you. By applying pleasant training methods, your dog will learn to love training. However, if you use unpleasant training methods your dog will learn to dislike training, and you!
In the old days, if a dog didn't respond well to coercion they said there was something wrong with the dog, and continued to increase the level of force until he finally submitted. If he didn't submit he was often labeled defective and rejected for a more compliant one. Especially for those we call "dog enthusiast" who took putting titles on their dog very seriously. I know as I was there and witnessed this periodically. Dog enthusiasts seek dogs for performance whether it's for the obedience ring, agility champions etc.
Is it not our role as the allegedly intelligent species to understand our dogs and find a way that works for them rather than forcing them into a one-size-fits-all mold. When you're forced to do something, do you enjoy it? Of course not, so why should dogs enjoy being pushed into downs and manipulated into sits, jerked by the neck in the name of training?
We should encourage owners to move away from aggression and force as a way to achieve goals. The majority of dog owners and trainers who experience fun and accomplishments by applying positive methods with their dogs can see that it works for people as well. They feel better about training thus motivating them to continue further, plus find they are less likely to get angry with their dogs, less likely to dislike their dog and they begin understanding that behaviour is simply that behaviour, not some maliciously deliberate attempt on the dog's part to challenge their authority and take over the world.
Whether it's a down, a sit or a rollover they are all tricks as far as the dog is concerned. Do you think dogs categorize a down, a sit or a recall in an obedience category and dead dog, roll- over in a trick category? Absolutely not, they are simply all behaviours; we are the ones who categorize them. You can train really fast, clean and happy downs if you train without compulsion. When I train dogs, they keep looking at me as if saying is there more, they don't want to stop.
The word challenge so often used with dogs, is an abstract thought, dogs do not think in abstracts. Rather than challenging us whom pins us against each other the dog is doing something else. Experimenting, oh yes! He's experimenting looking for the desired response, the perfect outcome for himself or access to resources he finds valuable or exciting that's all.
Dogs are always concerned about themselves, about resources, about safety and survival, they are always experimenting. That's not a sad thing, babies do it, children do it, and we do it. How else will be discover what works don't you agree?
Simply by changing the terminology we apply we can change how we solve problems. We can understand what is really going on. Reframing the words that have been used for years and years in dog training jargon can benefit the dog and you in ways you can't yet see. For a dog to be well-mannered it simply requires good teaching, consistency, patience and practice and do not assume your dog will come running to you based on your charm alone. Do children come immediately and every time you call them?
Dogs are not our slaves, if you want a strong reliable recall; you must put in the time, the required effort and energy for that to happen. Also, you must understand your breed that is soooooo important, because each breed has its own fixed motor patterns which determine which instincts you're training with or against. Try to train a Husky to herd sheep, you think, I don't think so or try to train a Pointer to pull sled.
But this is not a bad thing; the times we spend training is precious time you share together. It's a bonding time, a getting to know your dog time and your dog getting to know you. It should be work but it should also be fun, the dog should not know the difference between the two if you apply good training techniques that are based on the laws of learning.
Why would you use a method that doesn't enhance your dog's brilliance and obedience? Any dog being trained should never be harmed or mishandled.
The human ego dictates work for praise, "Because you love me" but reality is..... That's not how learning or training works. Behaviour MUST be reinforced and the reinforcement MUST be what the DOG wants. There are many types of reinforcement and knowing which reinforcement to use in a specific situation is all about knowing your dog.
Old school trainers will argue that if you use food, play or toy reinforcements you will never be able to get rid of the food, toy. But in contrast they are never able to get rid of their "corrections".
The problem isn't the food, the toy, or the game the problem is the person delivering the food. Remember that training is both an art and a science.
You can NEVER stop reinforcing behaviour completely. You use reinforcement occasionally. Why? Because behaviours that are not reinforced, extinguish. Our dogs are getting reinforced all the time by the environment, so don't think for one minute your charm alone will have the dog defer to you.
What it also does is remove fault from the dog and passes the accountability for achievement on the human. It's sad to say that in the year 2011 with all the technology of our modern world some trainers are still living and using outdated methods coming out of the 1960's. These are usually traditional trainers who simply refuse to see the light at the end of the tunnel and disregard the laws of learning at all cost. Refuse to understand what behavior is; simply behaviour is a function of its consequences. Thorndike's law of cause and effect is always at play.
Not only is positive training exceedingly and amazingly operative, there is an entire era of scientific studies and research on the subject of behaviour modification, not only for dogs but for all species. Why are some trainers opposed, or scared to embrace the progressive or more sophisticated way of training.
There's always more than one way to reach the top of the mountain. Being closed minded and adamant about what they don't understand can create dogs that lose their homes and family and possibly their lives. Shouldn't the goal be to help in any way possible that will assist the dog in its understanding of what the owner is looking for from that dog?
"I want respect from my dog." This reasoning disguises some pretty scary logic -do you really think your dog would respect you more if you trained using correction and punishment, rather than lures and reinforcement? Look out for trainers, who claim harassment, bullying, and physical or psychological domination are necessary to get dogs to defer. What a perverse notion. On the contrary, you will gradually earn your dog's belief in you with understanding, compassion, and intelligent education via the laws of learning.
The dog should WANT to do it for me. I want dogs to voluntarily follow instructions because they have realized it is in their best interests. Quick and willing compliance are the bases of dog-friendly dog training. You can coerce, or force a dog to do things your way, when on leash However, when off-leash and out of your reach; he might ignore your commands.
During the training process, your dog will formulate positive and negative associations about training and about you. By applying pleasant training methods, your dog will learn to love training. However, if you use unpleasant training methods your dog will learn to dislike training, and you!
In the old days, if a dog didn't respond well to coercion they said there was something wrong with the dog, and continued to increase the level of force until he finally submitted. If he didn't submit he was often labeled defective and rejected for a more compliant one. Especially for those we call "dog enthusiast" who took putting titles on their dog very seriously. I know as I was there and witnessed this periodically. Dog enthusiasts seek dogs for performance whether it's for the obedience ring, agility champions etc.
Is it not our role as the allegedly intelligent species to understand our dogs and find a way that works for them rather than forcing them into a one-size-fits-all mold. When you're forced to do something, do you enjoy it? Of course not, so why should dogs enjoy being pushed into downs and manipulated into sits, jerked by the neck in the name of training?
We should encourage owners to move away from aggression and force as a way to achieve goals. The majority of dog owners and trainers who experience fun and accomplishments by applying positive methods with their dogs can see that it works for people as well. They feel better about training thus motivating them to continue further, plus find they are less likely to get angry with their dogs, less likely to dislike their dog and they begin understanding that behaviour is simply that behaviour, not some maliciously deliberate attempt on the dog's part to challenge their authority and take over the world.
Whether it's a down, a sit or a rollover they are all tricks as far as the dog is concerned. Do you think dogs categorize a down, a sit or a recall in an obedience category and dead dog, roll- over in a trick category? Absolutely not, they are simply all behaviours; we are the ones who categorize them. You can train really fast, clean and happy downs if you train without compulsion. When I train dogs, they keep looking at me as if saying is there more, they don't want to stop.
The word challenge so often used with dogs, is an abstract thought, dogs do not think in abstracts. Rather than challenging us whom pins us against each other the dog is doing something else. Experimenting, oh yes! He's experimenting looking for the desired response, the perfect outcome for himself or access to resources he finds valuable or exciting that's all.
Dogs are always concerned about themselves, about resources, about safety and survival, they are always experimenting. That's not a sad thing, babies do it, children do it, and we do it. How else will be discover what works don't you agree?
Simply by changing the terminology we apply we can change how we solve problems. We can understand what is really going on. Reframing the words that have been used for years and years in dog training jargon can benefit the dog and you in ways you can't yet see. For a dog to be well-mannered it simply requires good teaching, consistency, patience and practice and do not assume your dog will come running to you based on your charm alone. Do children come immediately and every time you call them?
Dogs are not our slaves, if you want a strong reliable recall; you must put in the time, the required effort and energy for that to happen. Also, you must understand your breed that is soooooo important, because each breed has its own fixed motor patterns which determine which instincts you're training with or against. Try to train a Husky to herd sheep, you think, I don't think so or try to train a Pointer to pull sled.
But this is not a bad thing; the times we spend training is precious time you share together. It's a bonding time, a getting to know your dog time and your dog getting to know you. It should be work but it should also be fun, the dog should not know the difference between the two if you apply good training techniques that are based on the laws of learning.
Why would you use a method that doesn't enhance your dog's brilliance and obedience? Any dog being trained should never be harmed or mishandled.
The human ego dictates work for praise, "Because you love me" but reality is..... That's not how learning or training works. Behaviour MUST be reinforced and the reinforcement MUST be what the DOG wants. There are many types of reinforcement and knowing which reinforcement to use in a specific situation is all about knowing your dog.
Old school trainers will argue that if you use food, play or toy reinforcements you will never be able to get rid of the food, toy. But in contrast they are never able to get rid of their "corrections".
The problem isn't the food, the toy, or the game the problem is the person delivering the food. Remember that training is both an art and a science.
You can NEVER stop reinforcing behaviour completely. You use reinforcement occasionally. Why? Because behaviours that are not reinforced, extinguish. Our dogs are getting reinforced all the time by the environment, so don't think for one minute your charm alone will have the dog defer to you.
Influence Of Television On Today's Youth
Being a youth myself, I have experienced the many results of media today. According to the olden days, media is supposed to be the ultimate source of information and entertainment, but to what extend is this source being utilized is my question? I do agree to the fact that people seek for entertainment pleasing to the eye and something that BBC and CNN or any other documentary channels do not provide. The very reason why I was compelled to bring to light this topic is the very fact that media serves as the main server of control for not only the youth but also the various stages of life starting from a mere 2year old up to well say...till the last breath of humanity. Media is so important in our lives today that it is so true, media is, in fact, one of those many things that keeps us going.
The power of media is something no body can define because it is something that we all look forward to the moment we open our eyes in the early morning and shut them with, that very night. In fact, media is so much a part of most of our lives today that we may not even realize how much effect it has on an individual's life. We depend so much in media especially on television that we are even ready to skip breakfast but not dare miss that show on TV. Television is one of the best ways of driving information into our system, whether good or bad. We may not learn as much as through reading but through Television say watching television is one of the best ways by which we grab things that are so much catching to our eye. But are we learning the right things? Are we utilizing this information in the right manner?
Television affects us in many ways that majority of our actions are influenced by the movies and the music industry of today. Some of us even tend to live like the celebrities and TV stars, not knowing that in real life it's going to be a completely different scenario. Television can unknowingly influence ones personality and can affect their surroundings as well. Most of us tend to live like the celebrities these days. In fact, not only do we talk like them, dress like them, walk like them, perhaps maybe even eat like them but we have also begun to behave like them, only difference is that they're living the celebrity life where things could be a bit more different than that lead by an ordinary person. But too late, we have already started responding to matter irresponsibly thinking, just like how in the movies, it will all go away. We are living in a much different world now, a fantasy in which everything comes to our footsteps and all we need to do is ask for it or just wish. Nowadays we tend to worship the big stars and the huge personalities that when they cry, we too cry and when they laugh, we laugh with them. We have failed to discover ourselves or who we really are, instead, we rather prefer to hide beneath the cover in disguise and become what we're not hoping that it will bring us more success than it would, if we be ourselves including changing our name thinking that if we modify an ordinary Sam Cristus to the ever popular Tom Cruise or a simple Bob Bitt to Brad Pitt, we have a better chance hitting it to the big office where matters are much more intense than just names. We are forgetting our duties as an individual and the very reason we are put into this world. I myself have experienced one simple example of how I failed to discover myself instead I always preferred being someone I was a huge fan of 'Avril Lavigne'. I used to dress like her and try to act cool and developed a 'don't care about what others think' attitude. But guess I had to learn it the hard way and finally, I came to my senses that, well, it is quite not practical when it comes to my lifestyle and from where I was brought up. But luckily, I was able to realize this one impractical act much earlier than it actually seriously affected me. So I was lucky, but maybe not many others who are still caught up in a whirlpool of illusions where they are lost trying to imitate their beloved artists or stars expecting the surroundings to react in the same manner as in movies and when things don't go the way it should, we get unnecessarily frustrated and angry with ourselves and maybe even others around us. The ones affected are us not any of them. And we cannot blame anyone for it because it is just a matter of self realization and it involves just you and me. And why I prefer the youth to be addressed about this matter is because we make the majority of the world's population and only we can do something about this and prevent those below us from engulfing into this ideal world where we have forgotten the real meaning of hard work and true success.
Recently, I had read about something that touched me immensely and I am sure most of you must have already read/heard the news about three school children who murdered two other kids in their same school thinking that owing to their death, their school will declare a holiday. What were these once innocent kids thinking? Do they really know what they were doing? Who do we blame? I do hope that watching too much of television was not one of the reasons for such an act, or the source from which they learnt all these techniques or even got their idea from. Where were their parents during all this?
Most of the music videos are all about love and sex or maybe even something in between. What happens to us is that, these thoughts stay in our head and knowingly or unknowingly we believe that that is how things are supposed to be and forget the real meaning of what we once knew and were taught. Well, life's just not all about love or sex or fake personalities. It about how we live our life and what we do and how it's done that counts because who knows how long we'll be given the privilege to enjoy the luxury that every year offers us. I wish the songs and videos would contain more meaningful words and scenes instead of 'I love you, you love me, I touch you, you touch me, I kiss you, you kiss me...well, these are things that all of us already know, I just wish they could sing about something more dramatic or meaningful, instead of showing young girls walking around hardly having anything on.. because trust me I'm having quiet a hard time making sure my nieces and nephews do not end up watching any of those at such an early age itself but how can I, every time I switch on my TV, all I see is this. I hope the younger generation, much below us, wont end up actually doing so in real life...or do they? I do wish the music producers and who ever is in control of this matter would do something about this instead of just focusing on the profit that is assured, when the youth or anybody for that matter is satisfied with the matter that is put to display. I really wonder if that's going to ever work because money is something that can blind a person and as the saying goes 'Money is something that people would even die for'.. Well, perhaps the only answer lies within us. So when do we begin hunting for it...maybe the day we start to experience it ourselves, But do we have to wait that long... What if that day never comes?
What about the times when our role models would be Princess Diana, Gandhi, Mother Theresa...oh yes, how times change...I remember as a child, when I was often asked who my role model was, I used to wonder who did the most for the people, and their good acts ?..But if asked me now, I don't know who exactly to say...because right now I cannot think of anybody whose capable of winning that auspicious title these days especially among the youth who still has a long way to go about learning our cultures and traditions, and about how life used to be without the television and how people used to find happiness among their family themselves, when they used to work hard and truly believed in one person who brought us into this world. We the youth have still lots to learn about life and what all it has got to offer.
Let us not be ignorant any more. It's high time we know what's right and what's truly wrong. Let us contribute and correct each other and teach ourselves how to become a true celebrity within ourselves and how to be a good role model among ourselves and maybe even one day be another version of our great leaders who had once given up their lives so that we live and enjoy the luxury that life is offering us now. How can we put all their efforts to waste? Let us be grateful to our ancestors who have worked hard for our future and thank them by our simple acts of goodness. Let us be someone, say a younger version of Gandhi perhaps.
The power of media is something no body can define because it is something that we all look forward to the moment we open our eyes in the early morning and shut them with, that very night. In fact, media is so much a part of most of our lives today that we may not even realize how much effect it has on an individual's life. We depend so much in media especially on television that we are even ready to skip breakfast but not dare miss that show on TV. Television is one of the best ways of driving information into our system, whether good or bad. We may not learn as much as through reading but through Television say watching television is one of the best ways by which we grab things that are so much catching to our eye. But are we learning the right things? Are we utilizing this information in the right manner?
Television affects us in many ways that majority of our actions are influenced by the movies and the music industry of today. Some of us even tend to live like the celebrities and TV stars, not knowing that in real life it's going to be a completely different scenario. Television can unknowingly influence ones personality and can affect their surroundings as well. Most of us tend to live like the celebrities these days. In fact, not only do we talk like them, dress like them, walk like them, perhaps maybe even eat like them but we have also begun to behave like them, only difference is that they're living the celebrity life where things could be a bit more different than that lead by an ordinary person. But too late, we have already started responding to matter irresponsibly thinking, just like how in the movies, it will all go away. We are living in a much different world now, a fantasy in which everything comes to our footsteps and all we need to do is ask for it or just wish. Nowadays we tend to worship the big stars and the huge personalities that when they cry, we too cry and when they laugh, we laugh with them. We have failed to discover ourselves or who we really are, instead, we rather prefer to hide beneath the cover in disguise and become what we're not hoping that it will bring us more success than it would, if we be ourselves including changing our name thinking that if we modify an ordinary Sam Cristus to the ever popular Tom Cruise or a simple Bob Bitt to Brad Pitt, we have a better chance hitting it to the big office where matters are much more intense than just names. We are forgetting our duties as an individual and the very reason we are put into this world. I myself have experienced one simple example of how I failed to discover myself instead I always preferred being someone I was a huge fan of 'Avril Lavigne'. I used to dress like her and try to act cool and developed a 'don't care about what others think' attitude. But guess I had to learn it the hard way and finally, I came to my senses that, well, it is quite not practical when it comes to my lifestyle and from where I was brought up. But luckily, I was able to realize this one impractical act much earlier than it actually seriously affected me. So I was lucky, but maybe not many others who are still caught up in a whirlpool of illusions where they are lost trying to imitate their beloved artists or stars expecting the surroundings to react in the same manner as in movies and when things don't go the way it should, we get unnecessarily frustrated and angry with ourselves and maybe even others around us. The ones affected are us not any of them. And we cannot blame anyone for it because it is just a matter of self realization and it involves just you and me. And why I prefer the youth to be addressed about this matter is because we make the majority of the world's population and only we can do something about this and prevent those below us from engulfing into this ideal world where we have forgotten the real meaning of hard work and true success.
Recently, I had read about something that touched me immensely and I am sure most of you must have already read/heard the news about three school children who murdered two other kids in their same school thinking that owing to their death, their school will declare a holiday. What were these once innocent kids thinking? Do they really know what they were doing? Who do we blame? I do hope that watching too much of television was not one of the reasons for such an act, or the source from which they learnt all these techniques or even got their idea from. Where were their parents during all this?
Most of the music videos are all about love and sex or maybe even something in between. What happens to us is that, these thoughts stay in our head and knowingly or unknowingly we believe that that is how things are supposed to be and forget the real meaning of what we once knew and were taught. Well, life's just not all about love or sex or fake personalities. It about how we live our life and what we do and how it's done that counts because who knows how long we'll be given the privilege to enjoy the luxury that every year offers us. I wish the songs and videos would contain more meaningful words and scenes instead of 'I love you, you love me, I touch you, you touch me, I kiss you, you kiss me...well, these are things that all of us already know, I just wish they could sing about something more dramatic or meaningful, instead of showing young girls walking around hardly having anything on.. because trust me I'm having quiet a hard time making sure my nieces and nephews do not end up watching any of those at such an early age itself but how can I, every time I switch on my TV, all I see is this. I hope the younger generation, much below us, wont end up actually doing so in real life...or do they? I do wish the music producers and who ever is in control of this matter would do something about this instead of just focusing on the profit that is assured, when the youth or anybody for that matter is satisfied with the matter that is put to display. I really wonder if that's going to ever work because money is something that can blind a person and as the saying goes 'Money is something that people would even die for'.. Well, perhaps the only answer lies within us. So when do we begin hunting for it...maybe the day we start to experience it ourselves, But do we have to wait that long... What if that day never comes?
What about the times when our role models would be Princess Diana, Gandhi, Mother Theresa...oh yes, how times change...I remember as a child, when I was often asked who my role model was, I used to wonder who did the most for the people, and their good acts ?..But if asked me now, I don't know who exactly to say...because right now I cannot think of anybody whose capable of winning that auspicious title these days especially among the youth who still has a long way to go about learning our cultures and traditions, and about how life used to be without the television and how people used to find happiness among their family themselves, when they used to work hard and truly believed in one person who brought us into this world. We the youth have still lots to learn about life and what all it has got to offer.
Let us not be ignorant any more. It's high time we know what's right and what's truly wrong. Let us contribute and correct each other and teach ourselves how to become a true celebrity within ourselves and how to be a good role model among ourselves and maybe even one day be another version of our great leaders who had once given up their lives so that we live and enjoy the luxury that life is offering us now. How can we put all their efforts to waste? Let us be grateful to our ancestors who have worked hard for our future and thank them by our simple acts of goodness. Let us be someone, say a younger version of Gandhi perhaps.
Aerobics For Kids - Get Them Active
Instead of putting a movie on for your children, there are several videos you can purchase that teach aerobics for kids entertainment. Most of these videos are fun, exciting and feature low-impact safe movements that your children can focus on while you make dinner, or get work done around the house.
It's a well-known, proven fact that everything we do in adulthood has it's start in childhood. Eating habits, exercise habits, how we interact with people, etc. -- are all a result of what we learn in childhood. Teaching your children to exercise, rather than sit in front of the television is one of the best health lessons you can give them, other than healthy eating habits.
It All Started With Barney
Does everyone remember the big cuddly, purple-colored Barney the dinosaur? While he is known for the trademark song "I love you, you love me" he was also instrumental in teaching the children of that generation about proper diet and leading them along in specific routines designed around aerobics for kids. Many adults make fun of the furry fella, but there is no question how instrumental such videos can be in a child's physical health.
The Barney franchise has fueled several spin-offs, such as Franny's Feet, who focus on inspiring your kids to get active, among other things.
There are many aerobics programs on throughout the day, that focus on everyday movements you can do with your children also. With that in mind; many parents love the idea of giving their kids something they can do with little supervision and videos that teach aerobics for kids are ideal, to make sure they won't be encouraged to do things that are dangerous.
Interactive Gaming Consoles
The Nintendo Wii gaming console has taken virtual reality gaming and put it into a kid-friendly format. Each game requires players to get active and there are many aerobics-style games that are made with exercise and fun in mind.
It's a well-known, proven fact that everything we do in adulthood has it's start in childhood. Eating habits, exercise habits, how we interact with people, etc. -- are all a result of what we learn in childhood. Teaching your children to exercise, rather than sit in front of the television is one of the best health lessons you can give them, other than healthy eating habits.
It All Started With Barney
Does everyone remember the big cuddly, purple-colored Barney the dinosaur? While he is known for the trademark song "I love you, you love me" he was also instrumental in teaching the children of that generation about proper diet and leading them along in specific routines designed around aerobics for kids. Many adults make fun of the furry fella, but there is no question how instrumental such videos can be in a child's physical health.
The Barney franchise has fueled several spin-offs, such as Franny's Feet, who focus on inspiring your kids to get active, among other things.
There are many aerobics programs on throughout the day, that focus on everyday movements you can do with your children also. With that in mind; many parents love the idea of giving their kids something they can do with little supervision and videos that teach aerobics for kids are ideal, to make sure they won't be encouraged to do things that are dangerous.
Interactive Gaming Consoles
The Nintendo Wii gaming console has taken virtual reality gaming and put it into a kid-friendly format. Each game requires players to get active and there are many aerobics-style games that are made with exercise and fun in mind.
A Perfect Hatred
Seldom do we hear anyone teach or preach about the place of hatred in the life of a disciple. It is certainly understandable why some might consider this to be an oxymoron or incongruous in the life of one who claims to be a follower of Jesus Christ. Let us examine the Scriptures for enlightenment regarding the place of hate in the life of a disciple.
Do you hate sin? 'The fear of the Lord is to hate evil.' It is only with veiled eyes and clouded understanding that we view sin with ambivalence. We cannot be brought into the Brightness of the Glory of His Holiness and not be overwhelmed with hatred for our exceeding sinfulness. We will cry out with Isaiah, 'Depart from me, for I am a man of unclean lips in the midst of an unclean people'. We will loathe ourselves because of our sinfulness as Ezekiel speaks of in the 20th chapter of the book called by his name. In the Beauty of His Holiness we will share with Paul in his cry, 'Wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death'. Again, we will groan with creation and the saints for our adoption, the redemption of our bodies. When He brings us to this place before Him and we glimpse His Beauty and Wonderfulness, then we will begin to hate our own lives in this world. We will pray without ceasing, 'Even so, come Lord Jesus'. It is in this place He begins to teach us to hate with a 'perfect hatred'.
Does He not tell us we cannot serve two masters. We will love the one and hate the other. We will cling to the one and despise the other. There is no perfecting of His Love within us unless there is a corresponding perfecting of hatred for sin. For it is sin that separates me from Him, therefore He teaches me to hate the very smell of garments that are polluted by the flesh. The flesh wars against the Spirit of God and the Spirit of God against the flesh, so that they that are in the flesh cannot please God. Those who love Him, is it not your only desire, is it not your only purpose of existence, to do 'always those things that please Him'? It is here we share with Him in His desire to kindle the coming fire that will abolish the final enemy - death. For it is sin that brings about death. It is here again He teaches us to hate with a 'perfect hatred'.
Do you hate every false way? He speaks to us in a place in the Psalms of our understanding coming from His Precepts, therefore I hate every false way. How High is His Name? Is there anything Higher? He speaks to us again in the Psalms concerning Him exalting His Word with His Name. Do you love and delight in His Commandments? Do you lift your hands unto them. 'If you love Me, you will keep My Commandments. 'And this is love, that we walk according to His Commandments'. And again, 'but whoever keeps His Word, in him the Love of God has truly been perfected'. We cannot love Him and not love His Word. We cannot love His Word and not hate every false way. False ways do not thank Him, they do not kiss Him, they do not praise Him, they do not love Him, they do not exalt His Name, they do not exalt His Word. Here, He teaches us to hate with a 'perfect hatred'.
Do you hate sin? 'The fear of the Lord is to hate evil.' It is only with veiled eyes and clouded understanding that we view sin with ambivalence. We cannot be brought into the Brightness of the Glory of His Holiness and not be overwhelmed with hatred for our exceeding sinfulness. We will cry out with Isaiah, 'Depart from me, for I am a man of unclean lips in the midst of an unclean people'. We will loathe ourselves because of our sinfulness as Ezekiel speaks of in the 20th chapter of the book called by his name. In the Beauty of His Holiness we will share with Paul in his cry, 'Wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death'. Again, we will groan with creation and the saints for our adoption, the redemption of our bodies. When He brings us to this place before Him and we glimpse His Beauty and Wonderfulness, then we will begin to hate our own lives in this world. We will pray without ceasing, 'Even so, come Lord Jesus'. It is in this place He begins to teach us to hate with a 'perfect hatred'.
Does He not tell us we cannot serve two masters. We will love the one and hate the other. We will cling to the one and despise the other. There is no perfecting of His Love within us unless there is a corresponding perfecting of hatred for sin. For it is sin that separates me from Him, therefore He teaches me to hate the very smell of garments that are polluted by the flesh. The flesh wars against the Spirit of God and the Spirit of God against the flesh, so that they that are in the flesh cannot please God. Those who love Him, is it not your only desire, is it not your only purpose of existence, to do 'always those things that please Him'? It is here we share with Him in His desire to kindle the coming fire that will abolish the final enemy - death. For it is sin that brings about death. It is here again He teaches us to hate with a 'perfect hatred'.
Do you hate every false way? He speaks to us in a place in the Psalms of our understanding coming from His Precepts, therefore I hate every false way. How High is His Name? Is there anything Higher? He speaks to us again in the Psalms concerning Him exalting His Word with His Name. Do you love and delight in His Commandments? Do you lift your hands unto them. 'If you love Me, you will keep My Commandments. 'And this is love, that we walk according to His Commandments'. And again, 'but whoever keeps His Word, in him the Love of God has truly been perfected'. We cannot love Him and not love His Word. We cannot love His Word and not hate every false way. False ways do not thank Him, they do not kiss Him, they do not praise Him, they do not love Him, they do not exalt His Name, they do not exalt His Word. Here, He teaches us to hate with a 'perfect hatred'.
Making a Difference For God
Every year we celebrate "Make a Difference Day". This is a time when we can think about doing something for someone else, perhaps in a big way. Over eighty percent of Americans call themselves Christians, yet how many make a difference for God in their daily lives? It is not enough to go to church, it is the lifestyle we live throughout the week that makes a difference in our lives as well as others.
It is easy to slip into the trap of doing something like church and not letting it permeate into our being. Your physical presence in a place isn't what counts, it is what you absorb while you are there that matters. Anyone can sit in a pew for an hour or more, but what are you doing about applying what you learn about God and what He wants to do in your life? Jesus said, "If you love me you will keep my commandments." So if we follow God's ways we love God, if we don't we are not what we claim to be. Very simple!
Sitting in a church isn't going to make a difference in our world. It is what you do with what you learn there that will impact our society one way or the other. People are watching you, how you live your life, what and how you say it, etc. What do you portray about what you believe through these communicators?
Everyday we should be making a difference for God in where we go, how we act and what we say. If we are turning our witness off-and-on according to where we are, then we are hypocrites. The world calls this situation ethics, using one set of criteria for one area and using others for different venues of our lives. Either we are Christians or we are not, there are no gray areas with God. Using God's standards to measure our spirituality will give a true answer.
There is a saying going around, "If you were put on trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?" If you really want to make a difference for God, you have to be committed to Him, and want to see the needs that are around you each day. Everywhere Jesus went He made a difference for God because He cared about others. He was always seeking to do the will of the Father. This is our mandate as well.
What are you doing to make a difference for God? Are you encouraging those around you? Do you care about the suffering that is happening right where you live and shop and do all the other things that comprise your life? Does human need stir you to action? Will there be someone to care about you if you should ever need it? How have you treated those around you in your family and neighborhood? Are people glad they know you?
Each of us has the ability to make a difference around us. Even a homebound person can call someone and encourage and pray with them when needed. Are you making a difference for God in your sphere of influence? If everyone made a difference wherever they went, think what a different world this would be. But it has to start with you and I caring about what is happening around us and using God's power and wisdom to make a difference for Him each day that we live. How will you make a difference for God?
It is easy to slip into the trap of doing something like church and not letting it permeate into our being. Your physical presence in a place isn't what counts, it is what you absorb while you are there that matters. Anyone can sit in a pew for an hour or more, but what are you doing about applying what you learn about God and what He wants to do in your life? Jesus said, "If you love me you will keep my commandments." So if we follow God's ways we love God, if we don't we are not what we claim to be. Very simple!
Sitting in a church isn't going to make a difference in our world. It is what you do with what you learn there that will impact our society one way or the other. People are watching you, how you live your life, what and how you say it, etc. What do you portray about what you believe through these communicators?
Everyday we should be making a difference for God in where we go, how we act and what we say. If we are turning our witness off-and-on according to where we are, then we are hypocrites. The world calls this situation ethics, using one set of criteria for one area and using others for different venues of our lives. Either we are Christians or we are not, there are no gray areas with God. Using God's standards to measure our spirituality will give a true answer.
There is a saying going around, "If you were put on trial for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?" If you really want to make a difference for God, you have to be committed to Him, and want to see the needs that are around you each day. Everywhere Jesus went He made a difference for God because He cared about others. He was always seeking to do the will of the Father. This is our mandate as well.
What are you doing to make a difference for God? Are you encouraging those around you? Do you care about the suffering that is happening right where you live and shop and do all the other things that comprise your life? Does human need stir you to action? Will there be someone to care about you if you should ever need it? How have you treated those around you in your family and neighborhood? Are people glad they know you?
Each of us has the ability to make a difference around us. Even a homebound person can call someone and encourage and pray with them when needed. Are you making a difference for God in your sphere of influence? If everyone made a difference wherever they went, think what a different world this would be. But it has to start with you and I caring about what is happening around us and using God's power and wisdom to make a difference for Him each day that we live. How will you make a difference for God?
The Armorbearer Coach & The Character of Christ In You
And even though Jesus was God's Son, He had to learn from experience what it was like to obey, when obeying meant problems and difficulties. -Hebrews 5:8 TLB paraphrased by author
Recently, an actor with a career spanning over half a century told of his humble beginnings and one of his character choices that changed his life forever, "I was newly married and a new father. We were barely making it; living off my waiting tables and doing a few acting jobs here and there.
A man called one day offering an assignment paying a lot of money (back then) to play a young rebellious man spewing out obscenities to his father. After thinking of the disrespect it would bring to my father, a good man, I turned it down and declared I would only play roles in which my family could be proud.
Almost a month later, the man called back with a respectable role and an offer to represent me as my agent. He said he could not stop thinking about me. He said, 'If a man feeding his family off pennies could turn down an assignment offering this much money, there had to be something to him.' He represented me as my agent for 30 years until his death.
The role he offered me was Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" That actor was Sidney Poitier, who went on to win for his work in the movie, Lilies of the Field, 1963; the only Oscar for Best Actor awarded to an African-American in a 40 year span of U.S. history. Mr. Poitier's choice during that difficult time changed the course of his life.
Have you noticed that much of how we respond to life's circumstances has to do with our character? God desires to build character within us. He desires to train (discipline) us as His children.1 Training and disciplining does not always feel good. In fact, it can be downright painful.
Ask any private in a military boot camp or any professional athlete during his training season. The Apostle Paul encouraged us about God's training, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." 2
Many times, throughout Scripture we find God saying to man...I wanted to know what was in your heart. I tested you to know if you would keep My commands. After Abraham's character test, God said, "Now I know that you love Me." To the Israelites He said, "I tested you in the wilderness so that I would know what you would do." 3
As with any test, the day or season of the test is not the time to develop and prepare. Therefore, I believe the time to cooperate with God to build character is the now--everyday. In the everyday processes of life, we have opportunity to develop character (moral strength). Choices create character.
Problems and adversity give us opportunity to develop character. The Apostle Paul (as incredible as it may sound) in one of his letters to the Roman church, encouraged them to rejoice when facing difficulties, "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us--they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally, our hope and faith are strong and steady." 4
We develop character every time we make a right choice. John C. Maxwell, America's expert on leadership and successful executive says, "We create it (character) every time we make choices--to cop out or dig out of a hard situation, to bend the truth or stand under the weight of it, to take the easy money or pay the price." 5 By daily recognizing, developing, and refining the moral strength in us, we are co-laborers in building the character God desires to see in His children.
We desire people of character in our churches, our cities, our countries, and our world. Most if not all of the success stories turned failures in recent years, have been partially due to lack of character. No one can rise above the limitations of his character. Billy Graham was asked to comment on how he was able to maintain character in the face of so many ministry leaders showing a lack of character.
He responded with, "People have put me on too high a pedestal. We do the same with other leaders. I know, however, I am not as good as some people think I am. I have seen men in the depths of wickedness and have thought to myself, 'There I go, except by the grace of God.' I have to depend on God every day to help me live as I should." We also must depend on the grace of God to help us live, as we should. To develop character in your life on a daily basis:
oMake right choices. Remember character is a choice. Invite God in on your choices. You will find it makes a lifetime of difference.
oRecognize your character will preach the gospel. Determine to set a good example for those watching your witness.
oRemember bad company corrupts good character. Watch the company you keep. Are they a good influence upon your life or a bad one?
oDepend on the grace of God. When you make a mistake, repent, and begin again. My pastor, Mike Hayes says, "God is a God of new beginnings. Look at how He provides us an opportunity for a fresh start each new season, New Year, new month, new week, and every fresh morning."
We have determined that choices create character. If you have been unfortunate to make quite a few wrong choices in life as I have, then this will be good news to you. Pastor Amy Hossler encouraged me saying, "Even a wrong or bad choice repented of can eventually build good character." Our Father God has promised (if we ask for it) to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. Additionally, He promised to work all things to our good.9
It seems our Father God is painstakingly involved in working character in us. However, it is up to us to work together with him so that we may reap the harvest of righteousness he longs to give us. Join me as I cooperate with God in creating good character in me with one good choice at a time.
Recently, an actor with a career spanning over half a century told of his humble beginnings and one of his character choices that changed his life forever, "I was newly married and a new father. We were barely making it; living off my waiting tables and doing a few acting jobs here and there.
A man called one day offering an assignment paying a lot of money (back then) to play a young rebellious man spewing out obscenities to his father. After thinking of the disrespect it would bring to my father, a good man, I turned it down and declared I would only play roles in which my family could be proud.
Almost a month later, the man called back with a respectable role and an offer to represent me as my agent. He said he could not stop thinking about me. He said, 'If a man feeding his family off pennies could turn down an assignment offering this much money, there had to be something to him.' He represented me as my agent for 30 years until his death.
The role he offered me was Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" That actor was Sidney Poitier, who went on to win for his work in the movie, Lilies of the Field, 1963; the only Oscar for Best Actor awarded to an African-American in a 40 year span of U.S. history. Mr. Poitier's choice during that difficult time changed the course of his life.
Have you noticed that much of how we respond to life's circumstances has to do with our character? God desires to build character within us. He desires to train (discipline) us as His children.1 Training and disciplining does not always feel good. In fact, it can be downright painful.
Ask any private in a military boot camp or any professional athlete during his training season. The Apostle Paul encouraged us about God's training, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." 2
Many times, throughout Scripture we find God saying to man...I wanted to know what was in your heart. I tested you to know if you would keep My commands. After Abraham's character test, God said, "Now I know that you love Me." To the Israelites He said, "I tested you in the wilderness so that I would know what you would do." 3
As with any test, the day or season of the test is not the time to develop and prepare. Therefore, I believe the time to cooperate with God to build character is the now--everyday. In the everyday processes of life, we have opportunity to develop character (moral strength). Choices create character.
Problems and adversity give us opportunity to develop character. The Apostle Paul (as incredible as it may sound) in one of his letters to the Roman church, encouraged them to rejoice when facing difficulties, "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us--they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally, our hope and faith are strong and steady." 4
We develop character every time we make a right choice. John C. Maxwell, America's expert on leadership and successful executive says, "We create it (character) every time we make choices--to cop out or dig out of a hard situation, to bend the truth or stand under the weight of it, to take the easy money or pay the price." 5 By daily recognizing, developing, and refining the moral strength in us, we are co-laborers in building the character God desires to see in His children.
We desire people of character in our churches, our cities, our countries, and our world. Most if not all of the success stories turned failures in recent years, have been partially due to lack of character. No one can rise above the limitations of his character. Billy Graham was asked to comment on how he was able to maintain character in the face of so many ministry leaders showing a lack of character.
He responded with, "People have put me on too high a pedestal. We do the same with other leaders. I know, however, I am not as good as some people think I am. I have seen men in the depths of wickedness and have thought to myself, 'There I go, except by the grace of God.' I have to depend on God every day to help me live as I should." We also must depend on the grace of God to help us live, as we should. To develop character in your life on a daily basis:
oMake right choices. Remember character is a choice. Invite God in on your choices. You will find it makes a lifetime of difference.
oRecognize your character will preach the gospel. Determine to set a good example for those watching your witness.
oRemember bad company corrupts good character. Watch the company you keep. Are they a good influence upon your life or a bad one?
oDepend on the grace of God. When you make a mistake, repent, and begin again. My pastor, Mike Hayes says, "God is a God of new beginnings. Look at how He provides us an opportunity for a fresh start each new season, New Year, new month, new week, and every fresh morning."
We have determined that choices create character. If you have been unfortunate to make quite a few wrong choices in life as I have, then this will be good news to you. Pastor Amy Hossler encouraged me saying, "Even a wrong or bad choice repented of can eventually build good character." Our Father God has promised (if we ask for it) to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. Additionally, He promised to work all things to our good.9
It seems our Father God is painstakingly involved in working character in us. However, it is up to us to work together with him so that we may reap the harvest of righteousness he longs to give us. Join me as I cooperate with God in creating good character in me with one good choice at a time.
Top 5 Celebrity Nail Colors of Fall 2010
Fall is just around the corner, and one of the hottest trends this year is nail colors. With celebrities flaunting the coolest shades from Los Angeles to New York City, this top 5 list will give you the low down on the hottest nail color shades to rock this fall.
Number 5 - Classic Black
No one can go wrong with classic black nail polish. Especially if you buy Chanel's Black Satin. Celebrities like Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Kidman have been seen walking around the streets of Hollywood with this shade on. With the right outfit, say a white tank top, a colorful scarf, and short jean shorts, you will be turning heads with this celebrity nail color in no time.
Number 4 - Ruby Red
Fall is a great time to wear a shade of red on your nails. Last fall, celebrities like Hilary Duff and Lo Bosworth were seen sporting this nail color. What's great about red is that you can wear it with a variety of outfits and with both casual and formal attire. One brand that I think makes a great Ruby Red is NARS. It is the shade called Rouge Andalou. An outfit that I think would look great with ruby red nails would be a knee length, form fitting black dress.
Number 3 - Dark Purple
Fall is a great time to show off your edgier side with darker shades like dark purple. With the darker color pallet of clothes that you will be wearing in autumn, dark purple will be subtle yet rich. Celebrities love being discrete, and lately Lauren Conrad and Mischa Barton have both been wearing this color around. You know it's going to be a hit on you with celebs like LC and Ms. Barton rocking it on the red carpet. And Paradoxal by Chanel is definitely the dark purple shade you need this fall.
Number 2 - Nude
The reason I love this color is because it blends in so well with the fall colors around you. Miley Cyrus, Lauren Conrad, Jennifer Lopez, and Paris Hilton love showing off their picture perfect nails in this color. This isn't a flashy or showy look, and it looks great for formal events that you will be attending this fall. Pair your nails it with a black top and some beige pants like Angelina Jolie did, and I'm sure you'll be getting some compliments this fall. Mimosas for Mr. and Mrs. by OPI is a great brand for nude nail polish.
Number 1 - Robin Egg Blue
This craze started in the spring, with Beyonce first introducing the world to the trend in her "Why Don't You Love Me" music video. People catch on fast when celebrities like Beyonce wear a hot new nail color, especially the people at Chanel. They seem to be on top of every nail trend these days, and they didn't disappoint with the Robin Egg Blue color either. Their Nouvelle Vague color is definitely the color you need this fall to mix it up a bit. However, the color is hard to find, so look around! Celebrities as big as Ke$ha, Christina Aguilera, Whitney Port, and Jessica Alba all love this color. Pair this shade with some cute jeans and a mute tone top, and you'll be the envy of your friends in no time.
I hope that you enjoyed my countdown of the top 5 celebrity nail colors of Fall 2010. Remember to always mix it up and have fun!
Number 5 - Classic Black
No one can go wrong with classic black nail polish. Especially if you buy Chanel's Black Satin. Celebrities like Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Kidman have been seen walking around the streets of Hollywood with this shade on. With the right outfit, say a white tank top, a colorful scarf, and short jean shorts, you will be turning heads with this celebrity nail color in no time.
Number 4 - Ruby Red
Fall is a great time to wear a shade of red on your nails. Last fall, celebrities like Hilary Duff and Lo Bosworth were seen sporting this nail color. What's great about red is that you can wear it with a variety of outfits and with both casual and formal attire. One brand that I think makes a great Ruby Red is NARS. It is the shade called Rouge Andalou. An outfit that I think would look great with ruby red nails would be a knee length, form fitting black dress.
Number 3 - Dark Purple
Fall is a great time to show off your edgier side with darker shades like dark purple. With the darker color pallet of clothes that you will be wearing in autumn, dark purple will be subtle yet rich. Celebrities love being discrete, and lately Lauren Conrad and Mischa Barton have both been wearing this color around. You know it's going to be a hit on you with celebs like LC and Ms. Barton rocking it on the red carpet. And Paradoxal by Chanel is definitely the dark purple shade you need this fall.
Number 2 - Nude
The reason I love this color is because it blends in so well with the fall colors around you. Miley Cyrus, Lauren Conrad, Jennifer Lopez, and Paris Hilton love showing off their picture perfect nails in this color. This isn't a flashy or showy look, and it looks great for formal events that you will be attending this fall. Pair your nails it with a black top and some beige pants like Angelina Jolie did, and I'm sure you'll be getting some compliments this fall. Mimosas for Mr. and Mrs. by OPI is a great brand for nude nail polish.
Number 1 - Robin Egg Blue
This craze started in the spring, with Beyonce first introducing the world to the trend in her "Why Don't You Love Me" music video. People catch on fast when celebrities like Beyonce wear a hot new nail color, especially the people at Chanel. They seem to be on top of every nail trend these days, and they didn't disappoint with the Robin Egg Blue color either. Their Nouvelle Vague color is definitely the color you need this fall to mix it up a bit. However, the color is hard to find, so look around! Celebrities as big as Ke$ha, Christina Aguilera, Whitney Port, and Jessica Alba all love this color. Pair this shade with some cute jeans and a mute tone top, and you'll be the envy of your friends in no time.
I hope that you enjoyed my countdown of the top 5 celebrity nail colors of Fall 2010. Remember to always mix it up and have fun!
Bonanza of God's Billboards
Once upon a time, Americans traveled the highways searching for the latest word of God. But not anymore! Those same roadside messages, plus a batch of new ones, can now be viewed anytime at home on your own personal computer. Google currently lists nine sites carrying these "messages from God."
Do you remember the original billboards? Someone in Florida started the ball rolling with eighteen messages in white type on black billboards all "signed" by God.
South Florida motorists spotted such disarming "quotes" as:
Let's meet at my house before the game. -God
C'mon over and bring the kids. -God
Others messages spoke in a friendly but more serious tone:
What part of "Thou Shall Not ..." didn't you understand? -God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing ... I meant that. -God
Now the messages have gone from billboards to cyberspace. A couple of sites include the original eighteen sayings as well as a good number of new messages. Evidently, God keeps coming up with new ones. Hey, the graphics are great! Check them out! Just plug "God's Billboards" in Google and click on the top sites.
Like the originals, these new "quotes" vary from witty to thought-provoking. For instance:
All I know ... is everything. -God
If you must curse, use your own name! -God
The real Supreme Court meets up here. -God
As a public service (or disservice depending on how you look at it), I've rounded up the whole lot of God's Bilboard messages for your edification. If I have missed one, let me know.
Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. -God
C'mon over and bring the kids. -God
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -God
We need to talk. -God
Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -God
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. -God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it. -God
I love you and you and you and you and... -God
Will the road you're on get you to my place? -God
Follow me. -God
Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding. -God
My way is the highway. -God
Need directions? -God
You think it's hot here? -God
Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. -God
Do you have any idea where you're going? -God
Don't make me come down there. -God
In Eternity...do you want the smoking or non-smoking section? -God
Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life. Need directions? -God
When I was hungry, did you give me something to eat? -God
When I was thirsty, did you give me something to drink? -God
When I was a stranger, did you invite me in? -God
When I needed clothing, did you clothe me? -God
When I was sick and in prison, did you look after me? -God
Words count; be careful, I'm listening. -God
Make up your mind; is Jesus a lunatic, a liar, or my only begotten Son? -God
Your soul is eternal; where are you taking it? -God
Of course I love you, I gave you my Son, didn't I? -God
Read my New Testament. I've included a message for you. -God
No, belief and baptism are not options. -God
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -God
We need to talk. -God
If I didn't exist, there would be no atheists. -God
No, I didn't give you certainity, faith is required. -God
Follow me. -God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it. -God
Eternity is a long, long, l-o-n-g time. -God
You just think it's hot here. -God
The only important thing about Christianity is that it's true. -God
Do not murder. -God
Don't wait for the final judgment. It takes place every day. -God
Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction. Don't follow the crowd. -God
Come, follow me. -God
Would you give up your life to perpetuate a hoax? Neither would Stephen, James, Peter, or Paul. -God
Love your neighbor as yourself. -God
You are not an accident. I have a purpose for you. -God
Sin is addictive; the terminal point of addiction is damnation. -God
What's in your future? Read all about it in my #1 bestseller. -God
Some seed fell along the path, some fell on rock, other seed fell among thorns, still other seed fell on good soil. Which are you? -God
You are very important to me. My Son paid for you with his life. -God
I didn't promise you a picnic; I promised you a cross to bear. -God
Words matter. I hear ever careless word you say. -God
When nations stop honoring me, I stop blessing them. -God
If life doesn't teach you humility, you're just not paying attention. -God
If you created yourself, obey your own law; if I created you, obey me. -God
Do not steal. -God
Do not commit adultery. -God
Do not give false testimony. -God
Honor your father and mother. -God
Work as though it all depends on you; pray as though it all depends on me. -God
I won't allow temptation beyond what you can bear. -God
Use the Scriptures to verify what you hear. -God
Faith is required, but not blind faith. Search for the evidence. -God
Who do you serve? yourself? or me? -God
Blind guides speak from the pulpit too. -God
Hate and lust will destroy you. -God
If you don't control your thoughts, who does? -God
Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much. -God
Whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. -God
Evolution is the mythology of fools. -God
Worship is not entertainment; entertainment is not worship. -God
Follow me, not man-made traditions. -God
What ever happened to the church I established? -God
My word is sufficient. Beware of those who add to it or subtract from it. -God
Faith without deeds is useless. -God
Forgive others, and I will forgive you. -God
Either stand with me or stand with the world. Neutrality is not an option. -God
You cannot serve both God and Money. -God
Do you love me? Keep my commandments. -God
Why do you call Me Lord, Lord and do not the things I say? -God
Heaven or Hell, it's your choice. -God
Say, wouldn't they make great church marquee messages? Many of them are direct quotes from the Bible. Show them to your your church, and see what they think. Or maybe, (Yeah, I know it's a radical idea.) maybe we ought to take them to heart.
Do you remember the original billboards? Someone in Florida started the ball rolling with eighteen messages in white type on black billboards all "signed" by God.
South Florida motorists spotted such disarming "quotes" as:
Let's meet at my house before the game. -God
C'mon over and bring the kids. -God
Others messages spoke in a friendly but more serious tone:
What part of "Thou Shall Not ..." didn't you understand? -God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing ... I meant that. -God
Now the messages have gone from billboards to cyberspace. A couple of sites include the original eighteen sayings as well as a good number of new messages. Evidently, God keeps coming up with new ones. Hey, the graphics are great! Check them out! Just plug "God's Billboards" in Google and click on the top sites.
Like the originals, these new "quotes" vary from witty to thought-provoking. For instance:
All I know ... is everything. -God
If you must curse, use your own name! -God
The real Supreme Court meets up here. -God
As a public service (or disservice depending on how you look at it), I've rounded up the whole lot of God's Bilboard messages for your edification. If I have missed one, let me know.
Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. -God
C'mon over and bring the kids. -God
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -God
We need to talk. -God
Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -God
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. -God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it. -God
I love you and you and you and you and... -God
Will the road you're on get you to my place? -God
Follow me. -God
Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding. -God
My way is the highway. -God
Need directions? -God
You think it's hot here? -God
Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. -God
Do you have any idea where you're going? -God
Don't make me come down there. -God
In Eternity...do you want the smoking or non-smoking section? -God
Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life. Need directions? -God
When I was hungry, did you give me something to eat? -God
When I was thirsty, did you give me something to drink? -God
When I was a stranger, did you invite me in? -God
When I needed clothing, did you clothe me? -God
When I was sick and in prison, did you look after me? -God
Words count; be careful, I'm listening. -God
Make up your mind; is Jesus a lunatic, a liar, or my only begotten Son? -God
Your soul is eternal; where are you taking it? -God
Of course I love you, I gave you my Son, didn't I? -God
Read my New Testament. I've included a message for you. -God
No, belief and baptism are not options. -God
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -God
We need to talk. -God
If I didn't exist, there would be no atheists. -God
No, I didn't give you certainity, faith is required. -God
Follow me. -God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it. -God
Eternity is a long, long, l-o-n-g time. -God
You just think it's hot here. -God
The only important thing about Christianity is that it's true. -God
Do not murder. -God
Don't wait for the final judgment. It takes place every day. -God
Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction. Don't follow the crowd. -God
Come, follow me. -God
Would you give up your life to perpetuate a hoax? Neither would Stephen, James, Peter, or Paul. -God
Love your neighbor as yourself. -God
You are not an accident. I have a purpose for you. -God
Sin is addictive; the terminal point of addiction is damnation. -God
What's in your future? Read all about it in my #1 bestseller. -God
Some seed fell along the path, some fell on rock, other seed fell among thorns, still other seed fell on good soil. Which are you? -God
You are very important to me. My Son paid for you with his life. -God
I didn't promise you a picnic; I promised you a cross to bear. -God
Words matter. I hear ever careless word you say. -God
When nations stop honoring me, I stop blessing them. -God
If life doesn't teach you humility, you're just not paying attention. -God
If you created yourself, obey your own law; if I created you, obey me. -God
Do not steal. -God
Do not commit adultery. -God
Do not give false testimony. -God
Honor your father and mother. -God
Work as though it all depends on you; pray as though it all depends on me. -God
I won't allow temptation beyond what you can bear. -God
Use the Scriptures to verify what you hear. -God
Faith is required, but not blind faith. Search for the evidence. -God
Who do you serve? yourself? or me? -God
Blind guides speak from the pulpit too. -God
Hate and lust will destroy you. -God
If you don't control your thoughts, who does? -God
Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much. -God
Whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. -God
Evolution is the mythology of fools. -God
Worship is not entertainment; entertainment is not worship. -God
Follow me, not man-made traditions. -God
What ever happened to the church I established? -God
My word is sufficient. Beware of those who add to it or subtract from it. -God
Faith without deeds is useless. -God
Forgive others, and I will forgive you. -God
Either stand with me or stand with the world. Neutrality is not an option. -God
You cannot serve both God and Money. -God
Do you love me? Keep my commandments. -God
Why do you call Me Lord, Lord and do not the things I say? -God
Heaven or Hell, it's your choice. -God
Say, wouldn't they make great church marquee messages? Many of them are direct quotes from the Bible. Show them to your your church, and see what they think. Or maybe, (Yeah, I know it's a radical idea.) maybe we ought to take them to heart.
How to Decide Who to Marry
All my life, I always found myself doing the exact same thing my friends were doing. They went to some random school- I followed them there. They decided that they needed tutoring- so did I. They decided to play cricket- and so did I. They started liking pretty girls- and surprise surprise, I too started liking girls, the prettier ones. I could have liked the so the called ugly ones- but my friends didn't like them, and hence, I had to dislike them too. I was just another sheep among the herd.
On hearing this particular "funny" comment of mine, my mom talked me into agreeing to marry some pretty girl. Obviously, most of my self-professed sane friends had taken up the herculean task of marrying- and I had to follow suit. I didn't find this funny at all!
My mom said that, like I never used to be alone, and preferred combined studies for all the Home-Works the teacher used to give me, for all the exams I used to prepare for; in the same way I needed combined effort to do all the Home-Work of washing vessels and for the all the exams I'll be facing in my Life- I would need somebody... I needed to combine my efforts with a great girl... Just like the rest of my friends.
But I knew in my heart that I was not like my most friends. I never made quick decisions like them. I was never in a hurry. I enjoyed my food slowly. I liked to talk slowly. I enjoyed slow, old movies, not the new racy raunchy thrillers. I liked playing chess slowly- I hated the rapid chess players more than cleaning my room. I was slow in my emotions- and I was slow in understanding my own emotions. I never immediately knew how to feel in the big moments of life- I was emotionless for the first ten minutes, as I witnessed India winning the T20 World Cup. So you can imagine, I did not know how I should feel or say in one very alien situation like this- meeting some random girl, the village match-maker had chosen for me.
I was quietly sitting, confused, trying to keep a smile on my face and understand the environment around me. I felt charged emotions around me- expectations, anxiety, fear, joy and love. I had only seen the girl's photo so far and now I was looking at her feet. I was too shy to look straight in her eyes.
My mom stroked my hair gently- "Look at her! Silly Boy!"
Everybody around me laughed, including her. I could distinguish her young lively merry laughter from all the many old dry mirth. There was no ridicule in her voice- perhaps just a little bit of curiosity. She wasn't worried about this whole situation as much as I was. This may not be her first time, like it was mine, I concluded.
I slowly raised my head, capturing in my mind the dazzling Mysore silk and gold ornaments covering her beautiful body. I never thought about this before- looking at a girl, and looking for a soul-mate. I had never done this. But now in this moment of grandeur, I felt that my eyes were looking at a goddess of grace, of charm, of beauty. She was breath-taking, Love personified- and still she humbly smiled at my mortal gaze on her divinity.
I was looking in her eyes- there was nothing else I wanted to see. I had seen her sweet dimpled chin, her rosy shiny lips, the strange curve of her wicked smile, her long thin nose- I had seen them all- they were all charming- but her big brown eyes- they were teasing me, tormenting me- daring me to break the eye-contact & look anywhere else. And I couldn't dare. She knew that I was at her total mercy. She realized this- her eyes were smiling- no they were dancing. Why were they so happy? How did I suddenly become so... so infatuated, with a mad rush of wanting to marry her? No, I needed to marry her!
"Well?" my mom asked.
I was too busy staring at that honey coloured goddess of beauty.
My mom held my hand, stood up and said, "Looks like he doesn't like her. It was a waste of time coming this far... Let's go son..."
"No! Mom! I like her... I really... really like her, really!" I hastily shouted in confusion.
Everybody laughed- including her. How I loved to see her laugh!
My face turned red immediately as I bowed my head low in embarrassment- this emotion came super-fast!
I soon found myself with her, alone, on a large swing in her garden.
"You realise that I have no say in our wedding?" she told me, frankly and much too quickly.
Maybe her family was old-fashioned, so I asked- "Your father is very strict?"
She nodded.
"If you don't like me, just say the word and I'll say no to the wedding..." I managed to say through my disappointment.
"After your display of being infatuated with me? I don't think so..."
"I can say that there's some other girl..."
"Is there?" she asked, no, she demanded.
"No!" I shrugged my shoulders. There were probably a hundred one-way crushes in my case- but never did I feel like, what I felt for her- with her, I knew, it was love.
"How can you say that you really like me, after just looking at me?! You used 'really' one too many times!!!"
"I don't... know... " I was embarrassed. How could I explain to her my emotions when I myself didn't quite understand!
"You gave into your massive levels of dopamine for me...."
"What... Dopa... what?"
"Dopamine! You Dumbo! It's a chemical in your brain which gets generated when you are infatuated with someone... you know... it makes everything about the person you are infatuated with, look charming, and glittery and funny and cute and every other good word in the dictionary that you can find!"
"So it is my Dopamine that's making you look so super-pretty?"
"I am super-pretty, you Dumbo! It's because I'm so super-pretty that you are generating massive dopamine! Your own brain is fooling you into thinking that you love me... but it is not love. It's just infatuation. After a few months of being with me- you may find me as repulsive as a sewer rat!"
"My own brain fooled me?" I asked getting puzzled.
"Yes! You have to think about your own thinking!"
"Huh?" I was getting more and more confused!
"You have to think and analyse how your brain thinks & works, and then based on this analysis, you should think properly, you know, ignoring the infatuation related feelings, and taking logical decisions based on real facts?"
"Ohhhh I get it, Ok! That's profound!" I said, pretending to understand.
"Didn't you Google?"
"Google what?"
"How to decide, who to marry?"
I was dumb-struck! What was this girl saying?
I slowly said the correct answer which probably was crime against humanity according to her- "I... I didn't... Google that..."
"How stupid can you be? Don't you Google before buying a phone? Before buying a laptop? Before going on a trip? So how can you NOT Google before marrying somebody?"
Did that just make sense? Or was I just being my usual emotionally-retarded self?
"What you have for me is Dopamine," she continued her sermon, "And Dopamine is not love! But oxytocin is real love- that comes after years of knowing each other- from trust- from compatibility in many things, in sense of humour- and in love. And I want pure oxytocin, not some, quick, on the spot generated random dopamine!"
I was quiet for a while. I thought I understood what she meant- yet I felt like I didn't get what she really meant...
There was an awful silence, and for just too long. I had to break it.
"So your father gives you no freedom?" I asked her.
"Yes"
"And that's why after finishing your studies, you are sitting idly at home?"
"Yesss"
"If you were free, what would you be?"
She looked at me- I found her eyes dancing again, "I would be a super great teacher! Teach little kids- those cute little devils- I will give them what I never had- freedom- to think, to hope, to dream, to fly... to be..."
"Wow!"
"Yes! And I will never beat them, even if they are naughty... and I'll teach them how to sing... how to dance... how to play music... how to be happy... science... history... maths, I'm not that good at maths, but they're kids, right, they'll never know!" she started laughing in a very different tone- a happier tone. She looked so happy just imagining being a teacher!
How much would she love being one?!
I took out the paper from my pocket and handed it to her. She paused her laughter and read the letter that I gave her.
"This is the Teacher's License Test application form!" she exclaimed in joy.
I nodded- "Well, If I won't mind, your father also shouldn't, right?"
"Yes" she nodded excitedly.
"Your English teacher- the one who taught you from your first grade till tenth, was my English teacher too. I found her. You see, I never make decisions hastily... so I "Googled" you... in a different way. I met our common teacher. Found all your school books- they were filled with your handwritten cute words- your wishes and fantasies and dreams. As I read them, I realized that I liked you... I especially loved those poems about butterflies and rainbows..."
She was turning red and her eyes were welling up- she was going to cry- soon.
"Don't, please, don't cry!" I begged her, holding her hand softly in mine- frankly speaking I was just looking for an excuse to hold her hand.
"You read my school books? Those poems? Those essays?" she asked as tears ran through her honey-coloured cheeks.
"Yes" I said, handing her my handkerchief.
"And you have a handkerchief! It's so clean and white!" she said raising her eyebrows. She started sobbing loudly now.
She was crying even more, because I gave her a clean handkerchief? And her parents were looking at us through the window. Oh God!
"Please... your parents are looking!" I asked her, as I tried to block the view of their parents. I stood gently rubbing her cheeks- drying them with my palm. And soon she stopped crying.
"You must think that I'm a cry-baby" she asked finally getting back her composure.
"You're just being a girl!" I winked.
"Dumbo! So when did you read those books?" she asked me.
"About a month ago... Listen, we're running out of time... So what do you say?"
"Say about what?"
"Well, you want to be a teacher... and I want to be... I want to be your husband..."
She looked at me. And just smiled at me- no nod of the head was there. No, no wink either!
"Tell you what," I continued, "the Teacher's License Test is in 6 months, prepare well for it and take the test, pass it, and take another six months to grow some oxytocin in your brain, for me- I'll provide the seeds and the necessary sunshine if you want, and then, you decide whether you want to say yes or maybe..."
She nodded with a giggle- "I may say no!"
"To this cute face!" I said pointing at my face. I acted as if I was offended. But I was relieved... I didn't have to Google "How to decide who to marry"; or is it "How to decide whom to marry"? I'll have to Google that!
On hearing this particular "funny" comment of mine, my mom talked me into agreeing to marry some pretty girl. Obviously, most of my self-professed sane friends had taken up the herculean task of marrying- and I had to follow suit. I didn't find this funny at all!
My mom said that, like I never used to be alone, and preferred combined studies for all the Home-Works the teacher used to give me, for all the exams I used to prepare for; in the same way I needed combined effort to do all the Home-Work of washing vessels and for the all the exams I'll be facing in my Life- I would need somebody... I needed to combine my efforts with a great girl... Just like the rest of my friends.
But I knew in my heart that I was not like my most friends. I never made quick decisions like them. I was never in a hurry. I enjoyed my food slowly. I liked to talk slowly. I enjoyed slow, old movies, not the new racy raunchy thrillers. I liked playing chess slowly- I hated the rapid chess players more than cleaning my room. I was slow in my emotions- and I was slow in understanding my own emotions. I never immediately knew how to feel in the big moments of life- I was emotionless for the first ten minutes, as I witnessed India winning the T20 World Cup. So you can imagine, I did not know how I should feel or say in one very alien situation like this- meeting some random girl, the village match-maker had chosen for me.
I was quietly sitting, confused, trying to keep a smile on my face and understand the environment around me. I felt charged emotions around me- expectations, anxiety, fear, joy and love. I had only seen the girl's photo so far and now I was looking at her feet. I was too shy to look straight in her eyes.
My mom stroked my hair gently- "Look at her! Silly Boy!"
Everybody around me laughed, including her. I could distinguish her young lively merry laughter from all the many old dry mirth. There was no ridicule in her voice- perhaps just a little bit of curiosity. She wasn't worried about this whole situation as much as I was. This may not be her first time, like it was mine, I concluded.
I slowly raised my head, capturing in my mind the dazzling Mysore silk and gold ornaments covering her beautiful body. I never thought about this before- looking at a girl, and looking for a soul-mate. I had never done this. But now in this moment of grandeur, I felt that my eyes were looking at a goddess of grace, of charm, of beauty. She was breath-taking, Love personified- and still she humbly smiled at my mortal gaze on her divinity.
I was looking in her eyes- there was nothing else I wanted to see. I had seen her sweet dimpled chin, her rosy shiny lips, the strange curve of her wicked smile, her long thin nose- I had seen them all- they were all charming- but her big brown eyes- they were teasing me, tormenting me- daring me to break the eye-contact & look anywhere else. And I couldn't dare. She knew that I was at her total mercy. She realized this- her eyes were smiling- no they were dancing. Why were they so happy? How did I suddenly become so... so infatuated, with a mad rush of wanting to marry her? No, I needed to marry her!
"Well?" my mom asked.
I was too busy staring at that honey coloured goddess of beauty.
My mom held my hand, stood up and said, "Looks like he doesn't like her. It was a waste of time coming this far... Let's go son..."
"No! Mom! I like her... I really... really like her, really!" I hastily shouted in confusion.
Everybody laughed- including her. How I loved to see her laugh!
My face turned red immediately as I bowed my head low in embarrassment- this emotion came super-fast!
I soon found myself with her, alone, on a large swing in her garden.
"You realise that I have no say in our wedding?" she told me, frankly and much too quickly.
Maybe her family was old-fashioned, so I asked- "Your father is very strict?"
She nodded.
"If you don't like me, just say the word and I'll say no to the wedding..." I managed to say through my disappointment.
"After your display of being infatuated with me? I don't think so..."
"I can say that there's some other girl..."
"Is there?" she asked, no, she demanded.
"No!" I shrugged my shoulders. There were probably a hundred one-way crushes in my case- but never did I feel like, what I felt for her- with her, I knew, it was love.
"How can you say that you really like me, after just looking at me?! You used 'really' one too many times!!!"
"I don't... know... " I was embarrassed. How could I explain to her my emotions when I myself didn't quite understand!
"You gave into your massive levels of dopamine for me...."
"What... Dopa... what?"
"Dopamine! You Dumbo! It's a chemical in your brain which gets generated when you are infatuated with someone... you know... it makes everything about the person you are infatuated with, look charming, and glittery and funny and cute and every other good word in the dictionary that you can find!"
"So it is my Dopamine that's making you look so super-pretty?"
"I am super-pretty, you Dumbo! It's because I'm so super-pretty that you are generating massive dopamine! Your own brain is fooling you into thinking that you love me... but it is not love. It's just infatuation. After a few months of being with me- you may find me as repulsive as a sewer rat!"
"My own brain fooled me?" I asked getting puzzled.
"Yes! You have to think about your own thinking!"
"Huh?" I was getting more and more confused!
"You have to think and analyse how your brain thinks & works, and then based on this analysis, you should think properly, you know, ignoring the infatuation related feelings, and taking logical decisions based on real facts?"
"Ohhhh I get it, Ok! That's profound!" I said, pretending to understand.
"Didn't you Google?"
"Google what?"
"How to decide, who to marry?"
I was dumb-struck! What was this girl saying?
I slowly said the correct answer which probably was crime against humanity according to her- "I... I didn't... Google that..."
"How stupid can you be? Don't you Google before buying a phone? Before buying a laptop? Before going on a trip? So how can you NOT Google before marrying somebody?"
Did that just make sense? Or was I just being my usual emotionally-retarded self?
"What you have for me is Dopamine," she continued her sermon, "And Dopamine is not love! But oxytocin is real love- that comes after years of knowing each other- from trust- from compatibility in many things, in sense of humour- and in love. And I want pure oxytocin, not some, quick, on the spot generated random dopamine!"
I was quiet for a while. I thought I understood what she meant- yet I felt like I didn't get what she really meant...
There was an awful silence, and for just too long. I had to break it.
"So your father gives you no freedom?" I asked her.
"Yes"
"And that's why after finishing your studies, you are sitting idly at home?"
"Yesss"
"If you were free, what would you be?"
She looked at me- I found her eyes dancing again, "I would be a super great teacher! Teach little kids- those cute little devils- I will give them what I never had- freedom- to think, to hope, to dream, to fly... to be..."
"Wow!"
"Yes! And I will never beat them, even if they are naughty... and I'll teach them how to sing... how to dance... how to play music... how to be happy... science... history... maths, I'm not that good at maths, but they're kids, right, they'll never know!" she started laughing in a very different tone- a happier tone. She looked so happy just imagining being a teacher!
How much would she love being one?!
I took out the paper from my pocket and handed it to her. She paused her laughter and read the letter that I gave her.
"This is the Teacher's License Test application form!" she exclaimed in joy.
I nodded- "Well, If I won't mind, your father also shouldn't, right?"
"Yes" she nodded excitedly.
"Your English teacher- the one who taught you from your first grade till tenth, was my English teacher too. I found her. You see, I never make decisions hastily... so I "Googled" you... in a different way. I met our common teacher. Found all your school books- they were filled with your handwritten cute words- your wishes and fantasies and dreams. As I read them, I realized that I liked you... I especially loved those poems about butterflies and rainbows..."
She was turning red and her eyes were welling up- she was going to cry- soon.
"Don't, please, don't cry!" I begged her, holding her hand softly in mine- frankly speaking I was just looking for an excuse to hold her hand.
"You read my school books? Those poems? Those essays?" she asked as tears ran through her honey-coloured cheeks.
"Yes" I said, handing her my handkerchief.
"And you have a handkerchief! It's so clean and white!" she said raising her eyebrows. She started sobbing loudly now.
She was crying even more, because I gave her a clean handkerchief? And her parents were looking at us through the window. Oh God!
"Please... your parents are looking!" I asked her, as I tried to block the view of their parents. I stood gently rubbing her cheeks- drying them with my palm. And soon she stopped crying.
"You must think that I'm a cry-baby" she asked finally getting back her composure.
"You're just being a girl!" I winked.
"Dumbo! So when did you read those books?" she asked me.
"About a month ago... Listen, we're running out of time... So what do you say?"
"Say about what?"
"Well, you want to be a teacher... and I want to be... I want to be your husband..."
She looked at me. And just smiled at me- no nod of the head was there. No, no wink either!
"Tell you what," I continued, "the Teacher's License Test is in 6 months, prepare well for it and take the test, pass it, and take another six months to grow some oxytocin in your brain, for me- I'll provide the seeds and the necessary sunshine if you want, and then, you decide whether you want to say yes or maybe..."
She nodded with a giggle- "I may say no!"
"To this cute face!" I said pointing at my face. I acted as if I was offended. But I was relieved... I didn't have to Google "How to decide who to marry"; or is it "How to decide whom to marry"? I'll have to Google that!
Women Men Avoid - 3 Top Reasons You Will Keep Missing Your Dream Man
Some women get it right with men, while others get it wrong. In fact, they get it wrong all the time. They thought it was the guy, but they never really know that it was their own fault. Hey! woman, stop blaming others for your failure with men.
If only you knew the truth about men that could change the entire course of your relationship henceforth. There is an old saying that; it is the truth you know that sets you free. You must understand that inasmuch as men love women, and can't resist their sight, or being in their circle, there are certain ladies with certain attributes, that guys run away from, and avoids like a plague. Would you love me to show you these attributes?
Suffice it to say that women are No. 1 weakness of every man, but why are they avoiding some, and flowing freely with others, even when it is obvious that the former are better than the latter in all ramification.
Highlighted below are the 3 top reasons why some ladies will never get it right with guys.
1) All about dollars. Guys avoid ladies who see them as the alpha and omega. Such ladies are not interested in doing or achieving anything for themselves, their intent for having a man is to place all their life burdens upon him, without no clue that guys detests liabilities. Do something with your hands, you will be appreciated by him.
2) The ideal world. Ladies who don't believe that an ideal world only exists in the dream realm, like that of "James Bond 007" making love on the inside of the ocean, are always on the losing end with guys. Wake up lady, we are in a real world that contain real things like mosquito bites, settling bills, and many challenges.
3) Unstable as water. These are ladies who jump from one relationship to the other. She has no credential of staying with a particular man for long. She is out of a relationship today, but into another one tomorrow, for no genuine cause. The implication of this to guys is that if she did not stay with him or others for long, she probably won't stay any longer with me. One truth about men is that they want loyalty.
Rid yourself of these 3 canker worms, and you won't be numbered again amongst those that men avoid, but as someone that they love, cherish and adore.
If only you knew the truth about men that could change the entire course of your relationship henceforth. There is an old saying that; it is the truth you know that sets you free. You must understand that inasmuch as men love women, and can't resist their sight, or being in their circle, there are certain ladies with certain attributes, that guys run away from, and avoids like a plague. Would you love me to show you these attributes?
Suffice it to say that women are No. 1 weakness of every man, but why are they avoiding some, and flowing freely with others, even when it is obvious that the former are better than the latter in all ramification.
Highlighted below are the 3 top reasons why some ladies will never get it right with guys.
1) All about dollars. Guys avoid ladies who see them as the alpha and omega. Such ladies are not interested in doing or achieving anything for themselves, their intent for having a man is to place all their life burdens upon him, without no clue that guys detests liabilities. Do something with your hands, you will be appreciated by him.
2) The ideal world. Ladies who don't believe that an ideal world only exists in the dream realm, like that of "James Bond 007" making love on the inside of the ocean, are always on the losing end with guys. Wake up lady, we are in a real world that contain real things like mosquito bites, settling bills, and many challenges.
3) Unstable as water. These are ladies who jump from one relationship to the other. She has no credential of staying with a particular man for long. She is out of a relationship today, but into another one tomorrow, for no genuine cause. The implication of this to guys is that if she did not stay with him or others for long, she probably won't stay any longer with me. One truth about men is that they want loyalty.
Rid yourself of these 3 canker worms, and you won't be numbered again amongst those that men avoid, but as someone that they love, cherish and adore.
How to Make Your Relationship Stronger
It takes two. This is a great truth about relationships, perhaps the greatest of all truths. If you are involved with a partner who takes no interest in or responsibility for the other half of your relationship, then read no further and simply move on, no matter how much it hurts. If. on the other hand, there is reason to believe that your partner is willing to try to help strengthen your relationship, then there are some steps you can take that will bolster your half of the relationship while at the same time encouraging your partner to reciprocate.
The Beatles were wrong - love is not all you need, although it is certainly essential. The other two essential ingredients are respect and trust. The first steps necessary to strengthen respect and trust in your relationship are fairly straightforward. If you want to build mutual trust, then be trustworthy. If you want to build mutual respect, then be respectful and be respectable. But the devil, as they say, is in the details.
Try this - promise yourself that for an entire month you will be completely honest with your partner about everything. This is even more difficult than it sounds, because in order for it to work you must only avoid telling lies, but also find the courage to speak the whole truth about your ultimate intentions and motivations. This will require some deep soul-searching on your part because, like all other human beings, the person you are most likely to lie to is yourself. You will know you are on the right track if you uncover a truth about yourself that makes you squirm with discomfort. Once you have discovered a truth like this, confess it to your partner. An example of such a confession might be, "A lot of my self-sacrificing behavior towards you is motivated not so much by an unselfish desire to make you happy, but rather by a selfish desire to make you love me, so I can be happy."
The Beatles were wrong - love is not all you need, although it is certainly essential. The other two essential ingredients are respect and trust. The first steps necessary to strengthen respect and trust in your relationship are fairly straightforward. If you want to build mutual trust, then be trustworthy. If you want to build mutual respect, then be respectful and be respectable. But the devil, as they say, is in the details.
Try this - promise yourself that for an entire month you will be completely honest with your partner about everything. This is even more difficult than it sounds, because in order for it to work you must only avoid telling lies, but also find the courage to speak the whole truth about your ultimate intentions and motivations. This will require some deep soul-searching on your part because, like all other human beings, the person you are most likely to lie to is yourself. You will know you are on the right track if you uncover a truth about yourself that makes you squirm with discomfort. Once you have discovered a truth like this, confess it to your partner. An example of such a confession might be, "A lot of my self-sacrificing behavior towards you is motivated not so much by an unselfish desire to make you happy, but rather by a selfish desire to make you love me, so I can be happy."
Unforgivable Sin and Mental Illness - How Do I Know If I Have Committed the Unforgivable Sin?
As a Professional Counselor and an active Christian, I have often met clients who come to me ashen faced and trembling because they have believed that they have committed the unpardonable sin. That is, Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. I talk to them from my own experience of which I have recorded in a book for those folk to find for themselves that such an offense can only be committed when you die. There are many recorded people in the past who have died cursing Jesus Christ and His Sacrifice. That my dear friends is the unforgivable sin. You have died breathing your last breath cursing the only redeeming name that can ever save your soul. Jesus. Upon death, you can't turn around and ask for forgiveness because your will and your breath have gone, long gone.
God is a loving God. He is always willing to hear a repentant heart. Many a cursing man or woman has received forgiveness at the Cross simply by acknowledging their sin and allowing God to forgive and let them move on in life. Many wonderful Hymns have been written from that craggy place on their knees speaking of that 'once I was blind and now I see' place. of such hymn writers as John Newton and his wonderful hymn " Amazing Grace". He (Newton) went on to give God all the Glory through his writings.
Think about the cursing of Philosopher Voltaire who declared that the Bible would no longer be on the earth within 100 years of his death, yet his house where he lay on his deathbed cursing the Name of Jesus Christ, went on to become a publishing house for Bibles!. He died in a state of unforgiveness. Once dead, he had no more will of his own nor breath to renounce his cursing and to ask for God's forgiveness. You see you must confess your sins with your own breath and tongue, before you die. Otherwise your will is not your own once you die.
What a tragic experience it is to attend an unbeliever's funeral at the crematorium, where the funeral director states in a bold voice, "....so and so..............did not believe in a God and did not want any religious recognition of such an entity."
I am not interested in the theological technicalities. All that I am interested in is the nature of God. What is His nature? Is He loving and nurturing or is he as the song states " From a distance the world looks like its in harmony ending with the lyrics, God is watching us from a distance " written by Julie Gold and sung by Bette Middler. Is He really at a distance? or is He tangible within our hearts to feel? God understands our hearts. He is always willing to let us turn a new leaf and start again. Look at the wonderful hymns that John Newton wrote that we still sing today with a lump in our throat. How tragic if God had assigned a life of doom and damnation for Newton if, he never allowed such sinful behaviour ( his drunkeness and cursing life) to be washed away and forgiven. The world would surely have been robbed of the glorious words of forgiveness from a broken heart. see below for the words of Amazing Grace by John Newton.
Yes, it is a most serious offence to Curse the Name and Workings of Jesus Christ through the works which he wrought only by the power of the Holy Spirit. Yet, God, all merciful, just wants to pick up every cursing tongue and wash it with His love and set it back in place to show His glory. It is the devil who perpetuates the guilt and belief that once even a thought crosses into your mind that you have committed such an offence. Do you really think that the devil can't cross over into your thoughts? Well, he excels at that. He specialises in mind control. That is his entire purpose in eternity. To bring down the believer or unbeliever to a place of damnation to follow him there. The human mind is the devil's play ground. Ever wonder why there are so many Mary Magdalene's 're-incarnated' in a mental hospital or why every one curses in the name of Jesus, but not Allah? Think of the devil as being an immature bully. You wake at night in a cold sweat thinking that you have thought the unpardonable sin. Who put that thought there in the first place? Did you? Did you really go to bed that night with the aim of committing the unpardonable? So, where do you think that thought came from? YOU? Hardly likely. The devil just hovers around you, waiting for your most vulnerable time to hit. If you have been involved in seances and the like,such as contact with the dead, where do you think that force came from to lift objects or move the glass on the Ouija board? YOU? Don't kid yourself please!
The same force that came to the seance and told you about your grandfather or whoever and made it look so convincing is the same force that will come to you and whisper evil thoughts such as the unforgivable sin into your head and convince you that it is YOUR thought. Why do I know this?Because I was also a victim of his sick game. I also nearly ended up in a mental hospital l due to the sleepless nights of anguish and screams in my head. I know that YOU can get over this with a lot of love, prayer and care. You need support from fellow Christians and people such as myself who have walked the walk. You can get over the diagnosis of mental illness - schizophrenia, manic depression, depression, etc and raise yourself up with God's grace and His mighty Holy Spirit. If you are still breathing now, say this prayer- " Father, forgive me, I have believed a LIE. It was not my thoughts, but thoughts impressed upon me by the devil. I ask you to forgive me where I have left doors open and show me now, by Your Holy Spirit, how to come out of this negative place of damnation to be myself. I was created by You and for You. If I am Yours, then you do not want to destroy Your own creation. You excel and love to see your creation grow and show You off, not hover in a wild depressed state of highs and lows. I know that You love me. You sent Your own Son, Jesus Christ to die for me, if I were the only person on this earth, You would still have sent Jesus to make a way for me to get back to You. I invite Jesus into my heart now and thank-YOU for Your love and forgiveness of my stupid thoughts which I I have allowed to grow in my head, I ask for your forgiveness of my allowing this to grow. That is the sin which I am guilty of. I believed a LIE. Thank-you Jesus and I welcome the Holy Spirit into my heart now. Welcome Holy Spirit." AMEN.
You are now forgiven and a Child of God. Don't you ever forget that. Next time the thought comes into your head, Discard it by simply praying, " The Precious Blood of Jesus Christ, which was shed for my sins at Calvary, covers and protects me from the evil plans of the devil by robbing me of my rightful joy in life with Jesus Christ. I am set free through the Shedding of the Blood of Jesus and my life is now mine shared in glory with Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit. I believe in the Trinity of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. They are ONE. Jesus is the same Yesterday, Today and Forever." AMEN.
AMAZING GRACE - John Newton
Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That sav'd a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev'd;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ'd!
Thro' many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promis'd good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call'd me here below,
Will be forever mine.
God is a loving God. He is always willing to hear a repentant heart. Many a cursing man or woman has received forgiveness at the Cross simply by acknowledging their sin and allowing God to forgive and let them move on in life. Many wonderful Hymns have been written from that craggy place on their knees speaking of that 'once I was blind and now I see' place. of such hymn writers as John Newton and his wonderful hymn " Amazing Grace". He (Newton) went on to give God all the Glory through his writings.
Think about the cursing of Philosopher Voltaire who declared that the Bible would no longer be on the earth within 100 years of his death, yet his house where he lay on his deathbed cursing the Name of Jesus Christ, went on to become a publishing house for Bibles!. He died in a state of unforgiveness. Once dead, he had no more will of his own nor breath to renounce his cursing and to ask for God's forgiveness. You see you must confess your sins with your own breath and tongue, before you die. Otherwise your will is not your own once you die.
What a tragic experience it is to attend an unbeliever's funeral at the crematorium, where the funeral director states in a bold voice, "....so and so..............did not believe in a God and did not want any religious recognition of such an entity."
I am not interested in the theological technicalities. All that I am interested in is the nature of God. What is His nature? Is He loving and nurturing or is he as the song states " From a distance the world looks like its in harmony ending with the lyrics, God is watching us from a distance " written by Julie Gold and sung by Bette Middler. Is He really at a distance? or is He tangible within our hearts to feel? God understands our hearts. He is always willing to let us turn a new leaf and start again. Look at the wonderful hymns that John Newton wrote that we still sing today with a lump in our throat. How tragic if God had assigned a life of doom and damnation for Newton if, he never allowed such sinful behaviour ( his drunkeness and cursing life) to be washed away and forgiven. The world would surely have been robbed of the glorious words of forgiveness from a broken heart. see below for the words of Amazing Grace by John Newton.
Yes, it is a most serious offence to Curse the Name and Workings of Jesus Christ through the works which he wrought only by the power of the Holy Spirit. Yet, God, all merciful, just wants to pick up every cursing tongue and wash it with His love and set it back in place to show His glory. It is the devil who perpetuates the guilt and belief that once even a thought crosses into your mind that you have committed such an offence. Do you really think that the devil can't cross over into your thoughts? Well, he excels at that. He specialises in mind control. That is his entire purpose in eternity. To bring down the believer or unbeliever to a place of damnation to follow him there. The human mind is the devil's play ground. Ever wonder why there are so many Mary Magdalene's 're-incarnated' in a mental hospital or why every one curses in the name of Jesus, but not Allah? Think of the devil as being an immature bully. You wake at night in a cold sweat thinking that you have thought the unpardonable sin. Who put that thought there in the first place? Did you? Did you really go to bed that night with the aim of committing the unpardonable? So, where do you think that thought came from? YOU? Hardly likely. The devil just hovers around you, waiting for your most vulnerable time to hit. If you have been involved in seances and the like,such as contact with the dead, where do you think that force came from to lift objects or move the glass on the Ouija board? YOU? Don't kid yourself please!
The same force that came to the seance and told you about your grandfather or whoever and made it look so convincing is the same force that will come to you and whisper evil thoughts such as the unforgivable sin into your head and convince you that it is YOUR thought. Why do I know this?Because I was also a victim of his sick game. I also nearly ended up in a mental hospital l due to the sleepless nights of anguish and screams in my head. I know that YOU can get over this with a lot of love, prayer and care. You need support from fellow Christians and people such as myself who have walked the walk. You can get over the diagnosis of mental illness - schizophrenia, manic depression, depression, etc and raise yourself up with God's grace and His mighty Holy Spirit. If you are still breathing now, say this prayer- " Father, forgive me, I have believed a LIE. It was not my thoughts, but thoughts impressed upon me by the devil. I ask you to forgive me where I have left doors open and show me now, by Your Holy Spirit, how to come out of this negative place of damnation to be myself. I was created by You and for You. If I am Yours, then you do not want to destroy Your own creation. You excel and love to see your creation grow and show You off, not hover in a wild depressed state of highs and lows. I know that You love me. You sent Your own Son, Jesus Christ to die for me, if I were the only person on this earth, You would still have sent Jesus to make a way for me to get back to You. I invite Jesus into my heart now and thank-YOU for Your love and forgiveness of my stupid thoughts which I I have allowed to grow in my head, I ask for your forgiveness of my allowing this to grow. That is the sin which I am guilty of. I believed a LIE. Thank-you Jesus and I welcome the Holy Spirit into my heart now. Welcome Holy Spirit." AMEN.
You are now forgiven and a Child of God. Don't you ever forget that. Next time the thought comes into your head, Discard it by simply praying, " The Precious Blood of Jesus Christ, which was shed for my sins at Calvary, covers and protects me from the evil plans of the devil by robbing me of my rightful joy in life with Jesus Christ. I am set free through the Shedding of the Blood of Jesus and my life is now mine shared in glory with Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit. I believe in the Trinity of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. They are ONE. Jesus is the same Yesterday, Today and Forever." AMEN.
AMAZING GRACE - John Newton
Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That sav'd a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev'd;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ'd!
Thro' many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promis'd good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call'd me here below,
Will be forever mine.
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