Ever wonder how to feminize your hubby? Tired of beer, sports and scary movies? Does your hubby think romance is grabbing fast food? Well stay tuned I have tips for you! First and foremost you should realize that your hubby will more then likely not like the idea. This is not to say that it cannot be done, it just comes down to how much your husband cares about your needs and wants to satisfy you.
First of all you need to know what you want to change about your hubby and create a plan. Do you want to have more romance? Spend more time together? Maybe you want him to be more sensitive? Deciding exactly what it is you want and focusing in on that will help you to devise a plan.
Identifying what motivates your hubby and using it against him will be very important. Know what his triggers are, and use them. Don't let him know that you are withholding 'special treatment', just play coy and act like you done know what he wants until he gives in.
You could start slowly with some subliminal tactics. Playing songs like 'Dude Looks Like a lady' and begin to only call him names like love, sweetie, honey, cutie, etc. These things bring out his sensitive side and bring you closer to your goal.
Control your conversations by answering his questions with more questions. If his question is 'Why are we going to this movie?' Your response should be 'Because you love me so much!' Keeping him on his toes like this will sure stop him in his tracks.
Be sure to praise him for all of his attempts at being sensitive. It will take some time to transform your man. Remember that every step gets you closer to your goal!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Selling to a Door in the Face
We are affected when we are introduced to two vastly different alternatives in succession. We know that contrasting two alternatives can distort or amplify our perceptions of things. Generally, if the second item is quite different from the first, we will tend to see them even more differently than they actually are. As a Master Persuader, you can use this contrast to steer your audience toward the object of your persuasion.
The use of contrast is based on our perception of items or events that happen one right after the other. If you've had a rotten day because you found out you're losing your job and you come home to a new scratch on your car, you will have a vastly different reaction than if you were having a great day because you're getting a promotion and then came home to the scratch on your car. It's the same scratch, but there are very different perceptions and reactions to it, depending on your personal circumstances.
"Door in the Face" is one of the most common techniques for implementing the Law of Contrast. Basically, an initially large and almost unreasonable request is made, likely to be declined--hence the "door in the face" as the prospect rejects the proposal. Then a second smaller and more reasonable request is made. People accept the second request more readily than if they'd just been asked outright because the relativity between the two requests makes the second one seems so much better. The technique is effective because social standards state each concession must be exchanged with another concession. When you allow a rejection, it is considered a concession. The person you are persuading will then feel obligated to agree with your smaller request.
Demonstrating this point, researchers first asked college students to donate blood every two months for three consecutive years. Requiring a long-term commitment of not only time, but also of physical and emotional responsibility, the request was overwhelmingly turned down. The very next day, the same students were asked to donate blood just one time, the following day. Forty-nine percent agreed. The control group, wherein students were only approached with the second request, only demonstrated a 31 percent compliance rate.
The study continued the next day. As students showed up to donate blood, they were asked if they would provide their phone numbers so they could be called to see if they'd donate again later on. Of the first group (those who'd been given both requests), 84 percent consented to giving their phone numbers. Of the students in the control group, only 43 percent agreed to give their phone numbers.
In these examples, the second request seems much more logical and reasonable in comparison to the outrageous first request. We are creating a perceptual contrast whereby we are defining what we think the standard of comparison should be. When the second request comes along, it seems much smaller than the first request, and in our case, much smaller than the request would seem if presented alone.
The main reason the Door-in-the-Face technique is so effective is because the contrast between the two requests makes your prospects feel like they are getting more/or less than they would have if they'd gone with the original offering. They feel like they've made a fair compromise, while you get exactly what you wanted in the first place. Author Alan Schoonmaker made an especially interesting point:
A conservative first offer also creates the bargaining room needed for the mutual concession ritual (you give a little; they give a little; you give a little; and so on). You may regard this ritual as silly, but many people insist on it. If you do not perform it, they may feel you are not negotiating in good faith....It is far better for them to feel that they have defeated you, that they have driven you right to the wall. Lay the foundation for their victory with an initial offer that creates lots of bargaining room."
By way of example, pretend your local scout troop is canvassing door to door to ask for donations to the scouting program. They ask you to donate $200, saying that all the other neighbors have donated this amount. After some discussion. you give them a $50 donation--and you feel lucky that you got away with giving less than your neighbors.
In the negotiation process, the Door in the Face can be a powerful tool. Watch a skilled property developer. He may look for quality properties that have been on the market for some months, often because of the seller's high asking price of $500,000. To drive down the seller's expectation, the property developer employs an agent who, acting anonymously, displays great enthusiasm for the property and then makes a very low aggressive offer--say $350,000--which the seller angrily rejects. The developer then moves in and offers a much more reasonable price--say $430,000--which, after some negotiating, is accepted. Labor negotiators frequently deploy this tool as well. They begin with extreme demands that they expect to be turned down. Abruptly, they repeat a series of smaller demands, or concessions, which will then be more easily accepted. These smaller demands are the real target of the labor group.
The Door in the Face technique can also save you from lots of headache and hassle. You can get people to go from hating you to thanking you for the same exact thing. For example, when I assign my college students a ten-page final paper, it makes the students tense and vocal. They complain about time, length, font size, etc., etc. You name it; they'll bring it up. I was getting tired of the complaining, so I changed the way I approach the subject of the paper. I use this principle: I bring up the paper and wait for the moans, but then I tell them this twenty-page paper will have to include the following.... The uproar starts: "Twenty pages! I won't have time for that!" I then graciously acquiesce and tell them if they promise to do a great, concise paper with the proper research, I will make it only ten pages. The cheers erupt and everyone is happy. The students see the ten-page paper as a great deal compared to the twenty-page paper. Now the students thank me rather than hate me.
In my university class, students learning about the Law of Contrast were asked to write letters to their parents requesting money. They were instructed to create a scenario so the request seemed inconsequential.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I hope this letter finds you both well and happy. I wish I could say that is how I feel. I know you love me, but it is hard to come to you in such an embarrassing situation. Now, I don't want you to worry too much. I can see Mom now, already skimming through this letter to find out exactly what is wrong, so I guess I'll cut right to the chase. I'm really worn out, but I'm getting better. At least I have a place to stay, especially during this cold winter weather. The last couple of weeks I have been sleeping on the streets, looking for food and shelter. I finally met this nice man who is letting me stay in his room for free. It sure is nice to have a roof over my head. Sometimes I still get wet at night though, because there's a crack in the wall on my side of the bed. But with five of us sharing the room, we've got some body heat going and that helps out.
We hope that between the five of us, we can make rent this month. They sure have been nice letting me stay here, and letting me keep out of sight. It seems there is some type of warrant out for me and I am unfortunately "on the run," as they say. I'm afraid I can't tell you exactly where I am; I don't want to endanger you with too much information in case the authorities come to question you. As you may guess, I am in desperate need of a large sum of funding so that I can settle my accounts before another, more ruthless party begins to hunt me down. I was hoping for, but not counting on, your assistance. I know I have done wrong, but I plead for your forgiveness and prayers.
Just kidding! I wanted you to see my problems in the proper perspective. I crashed my car last weekend. No one was hurt. I did have $300 in damage to my car though. I was wondering if you could send me the money so I could get back on my feet.
I love you forever,
Jill
Everyone persuades for a living. There's no way around it. Whether you're a sales professional, an entrepreneur, or even a stay at home parent, if you are unable to convince others to your way of thinking, you will be constantly left behind. Get your free reports at Magnetic Persuasion to make sure that you are not left watching others pass you on the road to success. Donald Trump said it best, "Study the art of persuasion. Practice it. Develop an understanding of its profound value across all aspects of life."
Conclusion
Persuasion is the missing puzzle piece that will crack the code to dramatically increase your income, improve your relationships, and help you get what you want, when you want, and win friends for life. Ask yourself how much money and income you have lost because of your inability to persuade and influence. Think about it. Sure you've seen some success, but think of the times you couldn't get it done. Has there ever been a time when you did not get your point across? Were you unable to convince someone to do something? Have you reached your full potential? Are you able to motivate yourself and others to achieve more and accomplish their goals? What about your relationships? Imagine being able to overcome objections before they happen, know what your prospect is thinking and feeling, feel more confident in your ability to persuade.
The use of contrast is based on our perception of items or events that happen one right after the other. If you've had a rotten day because you found out you're losing your job and you come home to a new scratch on your car, you will have a vastly different reaction than if you were having a great day because you're getting a promotion and then came home to the scratch on your car. It's the same scratch, but there are very different perceptions and reactions to it, depending on your personal circumstances.
"Door in the Face" is one of the most common techniques for implementing the Law of Contrast. Basically, an initially large and almost unreasonable request is made, likely to be declined--hence the "door in the face" as the prospect rejects the proposal. Then a second smaller and more reasonable request is made. People accept the second request more readily than if they'd just been asked outright because the relativity between the two requests makes the second one seems so much better. The technique is effective because social standards state each concession must be exchanged with another concession. When you allow a rejection, it is considered a concession. The person you are persuading will then feel obligated to agree with your smaller request.
Demonstrating this point, researchers first asked college students to donate blood every two months for three consecutive years. Requiring a long-term commitment of not only time, but also of physical and emotional responsibility, the request was overwhelmingly turned down. The very next day, the same students were asked to donate blood just one time, the following day. Forty-nine percent agreed. The control group, wherein students were only approached with the second request, only demonstrated a 31 percent compliance rate.
The study continued the next day. As students showed up to donate blood, they were asked if they would provide their phone numbers so they could be called to see if they'd donate again later on. Of the first group (those who'd been given both requests), 84 percent consented to giving their phone numbers. Of the students in the control group, only 43 percent agreed to give their phone numbers.
In these examples, the second request seems much more logical and reasonable in comparison to the outrageous first request. We are creating a perceptual contrast whereby we are defining what we think the standard of comparison should be. When the second request comes along, it seems much smaller than the first request, and in our case, much smaller than the request would seem if presented alone.
The main reason the Door-in-the-Face technique is so effective is because the contrast between the two requests makes your prospects feel like they are getting more/or less than they would have if they'd gone with the original offering. They feel like they've made a fair compromise, while you get exactly what you wanted in the first place. Author Alan Schoonmaker made an especially interesting point:
A conservative first offer also creates the bargaining room needed for the mutual concession ritual (you give a little; they give a little; you give a little; and so on). You may regard this ritual as silly, but many people insist on it. If you do not perform it, they may feel you are not negotiating in good faith....It is far better for them to feel that they have defeated you, that they have driven you right to the wall. Lay the foundation for their victory with an initial offer that creates lots of bargaining room."
By way of example, pretend your local scout troop is canvassing door to door to ask for donations to the scouting program. They ask you to donate $200, saying that all the other neighbors have donated this amount. After some discussion. you give them a $50 donation--and you feel lucky that you got away with giving less than your neighbors.
In the negotiation process, the Door in the Face can be a powerful tool. Watch a skilled property developer. He may look for quality properties that have been on the market for some months, often because of the seller's high asking price of $500,000. To drive down the seller's expectation, the property developer employs an agent who, acting anonymously, displays great enthusiasm for the property and then makes a very low aggressive offer--say $350,000--which the seller angrily rejects. The developer then moves in and offers a much more reasonable price--say $430,000--which, after some negotiating, is accepted. Labor negotiators frequently deploy this tool as well. They begin with extreme demands that they expect to be turned down. Abruptly, they repeat a series of smaller demands, or concessions, which will then be more easily accepted. These smaller demands are the real target of the labor group.
The Door in the Face technique can also save you from lots of headache and hassle. You can get people to go from hating you to thanking you for the same exact thing. For example, when I assign my college students a ten-page final paper, it makes the students tense and vocal. They complain about time, length, font size, etc., etc. You name it; they'll bring it up. I was getting tired of the complaining, so I changed the way I approach the subject of the paper. I use this principle: I bring up the paper and wait for the moans, but then I tell them this twenty-page paper will have to include the following.... The uproar starts: "Twenty pages! I won't have time for that!" I then graciously acquiesce and tell them if they promise to do a great, concise paper with the proper research, I will make it only ten pages. The cheers erupt and everyone is happy. The students see the ten-page paper as a great deal compared to the twenty-page paper. Now the students thank me rather than hate me.
In my university class, students learning about the Law of Contrast were asked to write letters to their parents requesting money. They were instructed to create a scenario so the request seemed inconsequential.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I hope this letter finds you both well and happy. I wish I could say that is how I feel. I know you love me, but it is hard to come to you in such an embarrassing situation. Now, I don't want you to worry too much. I can see Mom now, already skimming through this letter to find out exactly what is wrong, so I guess I'll cut right to the chase. I'm really worn out, but I'm getting better. At least I have a place to stay, especially during this cold winter weather. The last couple of weeks I have been sleeping on the streets, looking for food and shelter. I finally met this nice man who is letting me stay in his room for free. It sure is nice to have a roof over my head. Sometimes I still get wet at night though, because there's a crack in the wall on my side of the bed. But with five of us sharing the room, we've got some body heat going and that helps out.
We hope that between the five of us, we can make rent this month. They sure have been nice letting me stay here, and letting me keep out of sight. It seems there is some type of warrant out for me and I am unfortunately "on the run," as they say. I'm afraid I can't tell you exactly where I am; I don't want to endanger you with too much information in case the authorities come to question you. As you may guess, I am in desperate need of a large sum of funding so that I can settle my accounts before another, more ruthless party begins to hunt me down. I was hoping for, but not counting on, your assistance. I know I have done wrong, but I plead for your forgiveness and prayers.
Just kidding! I wanted you to see my problems in the proper perspective. I crashed my car last weekend. No one was hurt. I did have $300 in damage to my car though. I was wondering if you could send me the money so I could get back on my feet.
I love you forever,
Jill
Everyone persuades for a living. There's no way around it. Whether you're a sales professional, an entrepreneur, or even a stay at home parent, if you are unable to convince others to your way of thinking, you will be constantly left behind. Get your free reports at Magnetic Persuasion to make sure that you are not left watching others pass you on the road to success. Donald Trump said it best, "Study the art of persuasion. Practice it. Develop an understanding of its profound value across all aspects of life."
Conclusion
Persuasion is the missing puzzle piece that will crack the code to dramatically increase your income, improve your relationships, and help you get what you want, when you want, and win friends for life. Ask yourself how much money and income you have lost because of your inability to persuade and influence. Think about it. Sure you've seen some success, but think of the times you couldn't get it done. Has there ever been a time when you did not get your point across? Were you unable to convince someone to do something? Have you reached your full potential? Are you able to motivate yourself and others to achieve more and accomplish their goals? What about your relationships? Imagine being able to overcome objections before they happen, know what your prospect is thinking and feeling, feel more confident in your ability to persuade.
When Your Teenage Son is Disrespectful - What to Do
If you are wondering what to do when your teenage son is disrespectful, I think I can help you. My teenage son disrespected me for years and eventually I had enough and learned some timeless parenting principles and me son thanks me to this day even though he is a fully grown man. Here are some of my top tips for people who wonder what to do when your teenage son is disrespectful.
Concentrate on praising him - Make sure you keep on praising your son all the time. Just like most humans he wants to feel praised and feel he is wanted and loved. when you see him do something good, do not be scared that it makes you weak. It is a real sign of strength to be able to unselfishly praise someone else.
Keep punishments and rewards consistent - What most parents do is get to the point where they have had it with their teenager and they decide to punish them. They say "every time you swear, you're going to your room". Next time they swear, they either forget or cannot be bothered. Be consistent or your teenagers behaviour will not be either.
Also apply this with rewards just the same way. Let the child know that if they do what you ask of them they will definitely be rewarded with something that they enjoy and follow through every time. Consistent action equals consistent results. Simple, right?
Look through the words - when your teenage son is disrespectful to you, what does this mean? What comes out of his mouth is not likely what he actually means. He is probably saying to you "love me, listen to me" but cannot say that because it sounds silly. Get good at seeing what they mean underneath and actin on that rather than just listening to the content of the words themselves.
"I bet you're searching the internet looking for the best methods to handle your out of control teen for free and I totally understand that. I was in your position and all the information seemed too much and information conflicted and it was pretty annoying at the time.
Concentrate on praising him - Make sure you keep on praising your son all the time. Just like most humans he wants to feel praised and feel he is wanted and loved. when you see him do something good, do not be scared that it makes you weak. It is a real sign of strength to be able to unselfishly praise someone else.
Keep punishments and rewards consistent - What most parents do is get to the point where they have had it with their teenager and they decide to punish them. They say "every time you swear, you're going to your room". Next time they swear, they either forget or cannot be bothered. Be consistent or your teenagers behaviour will not be either.
Also apply this with rewards just the same way. Let the child know that if they do what you ask of them they will definitely be rewarded with something that they enjoy and follow through every time. Consistent action equals consistent results. Simple, right?
Look through the words - when your teenage son is disrespectful to you, what does this mean? What comes out of his mouth is not likely what he actually means. He is probably saying to you "love me, listen to me" but cannot say that because it sounds silly. Get good at seeing what they mean underneath and actin on that rather than just listening to the content of the words themselves.
"I bet you're searching the internet looking for the best methods to handle your out of control teen for free and I totally understand that. I was in your position and all the information seemed too much and information conflicted and it was pretty annoying at the time.
How Am I Supposed to Feel - We Just Broke Up
Going through a breakup can be very difficult, emotional and stressful. Often we are filled with all these confusing feelings and wonder if what we are feeling is even normal. We tend to do crazy things that are out of the norm for us. For a while, we might even lose ourselves to emotion.
These emotions that we feel are normal and there is quite a process in letting go of a person we really loved.
Each person is different, we will go through different stages at different times so do not worry if you feel like it is taking a little longer than expected to get over a loss. Sometimes we even go backwards and repeat stages that we have already gone through.
There are a number of stages we go through after losing somebody we love. There is shock, fear, denial, anger and what I call the "crazy stage". After that, finally some peace.
Shock and denial:
Shock and denial go hand in hand. At first you will feel like you are dreaming. Even if you knew that the relationship was in trouble, you never actually thought that a breakup was possible. The person loved you too much to leave you. Despite all the bad times there were many good times. You shared so many wonderful memories this cannot be real. They will soon realize that they are wrong and will come running back. This cannot be happening to us, we were once the "perfect couple". You tend to forget all the bad things. The bad things weren't that bad. We will fix things and everything will be OK. The phone will be locked to your hand and you will be staring at it, waiting for the caller ID to say their name. They will call soon; they must be busy. At this point you still will not be able to refer to them as your ex boyfriend/girlfriend. No we are not really broken up. We just need a little time, you might tell others.
Fear and loneliness:
Now the phone has not rung and it has been quite a while. You are getting over the shock and start to realize that they might not call. You start to think to yourself that maybe this is real. That's when fear starts to kick in. We fear that we will be lonely forever. We fear that we will have nobody to talk to. We fear that we will not be able to make it in this big scary world without them. We fear that when we are sick there will be nobody there to comfort us. We will jump into bed and hide under the covers feeling lonely, sad, depressed and feeling sorry for ourselves. Talking to friends and family is not an option. You want nothing to do with what is going on around you. You will sit and cry and listen to "your song" a million times to the point where there are no more tears left. You will look at pictures over and over again. For some reason we will torture ourselves. I will never be able to find a person that will love me the way that they did. What if I am not good enough, they left me. Why would somebody else want to love me?
Anger:
So now that you have been crying for a while and have not moved from your "spot" in the bed for weeks, you start to think about all the things that you did for this person. I do not understand why they left me. I was such a good boyfriend/girlfriend. Nobody else will ever do what I did for him/her. Good luck trying to find somebody who will do the things I did for you. At this point, you need to blame somebody. You are tired of blaming yourself and it suddenly becomes their fault. You are sick of hearing that song and turn the radio off every time you hear it. You want to rip their picture into one million little pieces and burn it. How dare they leave me! They had no right. Nobody will be able to replace me. I can't believe you did this to me. After all I did for you!
The "crazy stage":
The crazy stage is a little bit of everything mixed into one. It is the stage where shock, denial, fear, loneliness and anger kind of come together. I know that many of us have gone through the crazy stage. This is when we have now realized that this is real, BUT we are not going to let it stay that way. We are now going to do everything we can to try to make this person come back into our lives. So they haven't called, I will call them. They haven't written an email, I will write them. What, no text? I will text them. We check out their web pages and see what their activity is. We want to make sure that there are no other significant people in their lives. And I do not mean we will do these things one time and be done with it. No we bombard them will calls, texts, emails, letters and beg for them to speak to us. We promise that this time things will be different. We promise to change all the wrongs and make them right. We try to remind them of all the good memories and try to make them see that it wasn't so bad after all. We promise to do anything to make it work out. We read articles and books and watch TV shows on "how to get our ex back". This is now war! You do not love me anymore? Well I am going to make you love me! The outcome of this stage can vary. Because we are setting ourselves up for disappointment when we do not get the response we were looking for, we can pull ourselves back into one of the above stages. Some of us will go through denial again. Some of us go through anger again and other loneliness.
Words of Advice:
But as time goes on, we start to calm down. Little by little we start to realize that we are still alive. Thought some of the pain is still there, it starts to hurt less and less. Yes it might actually take years to get over a person that was a major part of our lives, but the time will come when you will actually be able to smile at the memories instead of cry.
Nobody can predict exactly how long it will take for the pain to go away. Every person is different. It is really hard when you have created so many memories and shared so many important details of your life with another person. Letting go is not an easy thing to do. The main goal is to understand that yes your life will change, but this does not mean you have to forget all the good memories and times you shared with a person. This is a part of you, and always will be. Remember what this person has taught you and be thankful that you were able to experience the things that you did.
You just have to make sure that you keep yourself healthy during these stages. We need to try our best to get advice and support from the people around us. Eat properly. Try to get out of the house and socialize a little. Many people suggest jumping into another relationship right after a breakup to get your mind off the other person. I do not suggest that. At this point you have many emotions built up and starting a new relationship will not allow you to heal from this one, and you will not be giving the new relationship a fair shot. So you need to allow yourself time. Get to know yourself. Discover what makes you happy and try to be strong. Many times after a big breakup, we will discover things about ourselves that we weren't even aware of.
After all is said and done, if you still feel as if this relationship has a chance, then maybe you and the other person can work on it. But remember you cannot make another person love you. Give them the time and the space they require to get their head straight as well. They have gone through this breakup too and I am sure they are feeling a whole bunch of different emotions. We have to remember that. We tend to be selfish when it comes to these things. This person might be going through the same thing as you. Being over persistent and clingy is just going to push them away even more.
Stop being so hard on yourself. Just because a relationship did not work out, it does not make you a bad person. It does not mean that nobody will ever love you again. Maybe you did try your best to do all you could for the other person. When you are with another person, remember you are part of a couple. A couple is 2. You are only 1 of the two. You can only do what you can do, just like the other person can only do what they can do. If you truly love a person, you should want what is best for them. It would not be fair to make a person stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling to them. It does not mean that you are lacking something, maybe they are lacking something within themselves and no matter how many things you did for them or no matter how much you loved them, they will never find the satisfaction they are looking for.
Finally some peace:
Even though at this very moment you feel as though you will never get to the point of peace, you will! One day you will be able to sit back and realize that you have made it! You made it through the heartache, tears, anger and fear. You are still alive! Thinking of this person will be a pleasure instead of like a knife cutting through your heart. You will be much stronger than you were before and you would have learned a lot about what you need and want.
Give yourself the time required to heal. Let your emotions out and address them. Do not try to pretend like you are OK, if you really are not, this will just prolong the process.
These emotions that we feel are normal and there is quite a process in letting go of a person we really loved.
Each person is different, we will go through different stages at different times so do not worry if you feel like it is taking a little longer than expected to get over a loss. Sometimes we even go backwards and repeat stages that we have already gone through.
There are a number of stages we go through after losing somebody we love. There is shock, fear, denial, anger and what I call the "crazy stage". After that, finally some peace.
Shock and denial:
Shock and denial go hand in hand. At first you will feel like you are dreaming. Even if you knew that the relationship was in trouble, you never actually thought that a breakup was possible. The person loved you too much to leave you. Despite all the bad times there were many good times. You shared so many wonderful memories this cannot be real. They will soon realize that they are wrong and will come running back. This cannot be happening to us, we were once the "perfect couple". You tend to forget all the bad things. The bad things weren't that bad. We will fix things and everything will be OK. The phone will be locked to your hand and you will be staring at it, waiting for the caller ID to say their name. They will call soon; they must be busy. At this point you still will not be able to refer to them as your ex boyfriend/girlfriend. No we are not really broken up. We just need a little time, you might tell others.
Fear and loneliness:
Now the phone has not rung and it has been quite a while. You are getting over the shock and start to realize that they might not call. You start to think to yourself that maybe this is real. That's when fear starts to kick in. We fear that we will be lonely forever. We fear that we will have nobody to talk to. We fear that we will not be able to make it in this big scary world without them. We fear that when we are sick there will be nobody there to comfort us. We will jump into bed and hide under the covers feeling lonely, sad, depressed and feeling sorry for ourselves. Talking to friends and family is not an option. You want nothing to do with what is going on around you. You will sit and cry and listen to "your song" a million times to the point where there are no more tears left. You will look at pictures over and over again. For some reason we will torture ourselves. I will never be able to find a person that will love me the way that they did. What if I am not good enough, they left me. Why would somebody else want to love me?
Anger:
So now that you have been crying for a while and have not moved from your "spot" in the bed for weeks, you start to think about all the things that you did for this person. I do not understand why they left me. I was such a good boyfriend/girlfriend. Nobody else will ever do what I did for him/her. Good luck trying to find somebody who will do the things I did for you. At this point, you need to blame somebody. You are tired of blaming yourself and it suddenly becomes their fault. You are sick of hearing that song and turn the radio off every time you hear it. You want to rip their picture into one million little pieces and burn it. How dare they leave me! They had no right. Nobody will be able to replace me. I can't believe you did this to me. After all I did for you!
The "crazy stage":
The crazy stage is a little bit of everything mixed into one. It is the stage where shock, denial, fear, loneliness and anger kind of come together. I know that many of us have gone through the crazy stage. This is when we have now realized that this is real, BUT we are not going to let it stay that way. We are now going to do everything we can to try to make this person come back into our lives. So they haven't called, I will call them. They haven't written an email, I will write them. What, no text? I will text them. We check out their web pages and see what their activity is. We want to make sure that there are no other significant people in their lives. And I do not mean we will do these things one time and be done with it. No we bombard them will calls, texts, emails, letters and beg for them to speak to us. We promise that this time things will be different. We promise to change all the wrongs and make them right. We try to remind them of all the good memories and try to make them see that it wasn't so bad after all. We promise to do anything to make it work out. We read articles and books and watch TV shows on "how to get our ex back". This is now war! You do not love me anymore? Well I am going to make you love me! The outcome of this stage can vary. Because we are setting ourselves up for disappointment when we do not get the response we were looking for, we can pull ourselves back into one of the above stages. Some of us will go through denial again. Some of us go through anger again and other loneliness.
Words of Advice:
But as time goes on, we start to calm down. Little by little we start to realize that we are still alive. Thought some of the pain is still there, it starts to hurt less and less. Yes it might actually take years to get over a person that was a major part of our lives, but the time will come when you will actually be able to smile at the memories instead of cry.
Nobody can predict exactly how long it will take for the pain to go away. Every person is different. It is really hard when you have created so many memories and shared so many important details of your life with another person. Letting go is not an easy thing to do. The main goal is to understand that yes your life will change, but this does not mean you have to forget all the good memories and times you shared with a person. This is a part of you, and always will be. Remember what this person has taught you and be thankful that you were able to experience the things that you did.
You just have to make sure that you keep yourself healthy during these stages. We need to try our best to get advice and support from the people around us. Eat properly. Try to get out of the house and socialize a little. Many people suggest jumping into another relationship right after a breakup to get your mind off the other person. I do not suggest that. At this point you have many emotions built up and starting a new relationship will not allow you to heal from this one, and you will not be giving the new relationship a fair shot. So you need to allow yourself time. Get to know yourself. Discover what makes you happy and try to be strong. Many times after a big breakup, we will discover things about ourselves that we weren't even aware of.
After all is said and done, if you still feel as if this relationship has a chance, then maybe you and the other person can work on it. But remember you cannot make another person love you. Give them the time and the space they require to get their head straight as well. They have gone through this breakup too and I am sure they are feeling a whole bunch of different emotions. We have to remember that. We tend to be selfish when it comes to these things. This person might be going through the same thing as you. Being over persistent and clingy is just going to push them away even more.
Stop being so hard on yourself. Just because a relationship did not work out, it does not make you a bad person. It does not mean that nobody will ever love you again. Maybe you did try your best to do all you could for the other person. When you are with another person, remember you are part of a couple. A couple is 2. You are only 1 of the two. You can only do what you can do, just like the other person can only do what they can do. If you truly love a person, you should want what is best for them. It would not be fair to make a person stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling to them. It does not mean that you are lacking something, maybe they are lacking something within themselves and no matter how many things you did for them or no matter how much you loved them, they will never find the satisfaction they are looking for.
Finally some peace:
Even though at this very moment you feel as though you will never get to the point of peace, you will! One day you will be able to sit back and realize that you have made it! You made it through the heartache, tears, anger and fear. You are still alive! Thinking of this person will be a pleasure instead of like a knife cutting through your heart. You will be much stronger than you were before and you would have learned a lot about what you need and want.
Give yourself the time required to heal. Let your emotions out and address them. Do not try to pretend like you are OK, if you really are not, this will just prolong the process.
Guilt Or Love
Have you ever heard the expression if you loved me you would do "blank". What's that all about anyway, if only you loved me you would buy me the Empire State building, work harder so I can be happier, learn to be a better father and husband, take care of your children so I can have a much needed day off. Okay I might be getting a little carried away here with some of the stuff my ex wife used to tell me.
Why do these people need to guilt someone into doing something. Instead of, if you love me let's go to the opposite direction and used the phrase, "You Don't Love Me Otherwise You Would Do Blank." Let's get to the bottom of this and find out who taught us to feel guilty, our parents, friends, religions and of course our greatest teachers of all, the masters at guilt are schoolteachers. My teachers were masters at making undisciplined children feel completely useless while the gifted students most of the time enjoyed a guiltless relationship with the teacher.
As long as you were doing what you were told at home your mother would have no need to lay the guilt trip on you. If you don't do what you are told you are going to be in trouble, don't even think about doing that or you're going to get a spanking when your father gets home. The classic abdication of responsibility. What about this classic from your parents, if you do something correctly I will gladly reward you with some cash.
Now how can this be guilt if someone is going to reward me with some cash. Guilt is basically the fear of being punished and the minute someone offers to reward you for something pleasant you have done or are about to do or something they don't want you to do, this is fear based guilt in its purest essence. If you do something in order to expect a reward and you do not accomplish the task, you feel guilty. You feel like you let someone down and there's a very good chance the people that were going to reward you are going to let you know that you failed and you will not be rewarded.
What a wonderful explanation for loving someone with guilt. We only use guilt because we have no other skills for communicating or getting our point across. As long as the people we seem to care about most remain guilt ridden we can manipulate them. I've known people that are simply masters at using their guilt skills. These people subconsciously submit subliminal messages into the minds of their loved ones about guilt. They don't even realize the damage they are doing because this is the only way they know how to show their love and to be loved.
These people need to feel love from other people and guilt of course provides the fear necessary for the dependent person to show their love to the guilt master. This article was written to inform those people that use guilt unknowingly or deliberately, to stop damaging the people they care about and think about the possibility of going to pick up a book on developing your communication skills.
I was actually thinking about making the readers of this article feel guilty in order to read it. What would the title have been, If You Don't Read This You Are a Loser, Reading Creates Winners, Find out What Everyone Is Talking About, Is Your Wife the Problem with Your Relationship, You Should Have Listened to Your Mom, okay that's enough of these crappy titles. I wasn't going to use any guilt but if you need someone to throw a little guilt into your life go pick up the the best selling book in history, The Holy Bible. There should be enough guilt in there to keep you reading for a long time.
Why do these people need to guilt someone into doing something. Instead of, if you love me let's go to the opposite direction and used the phrase, "You Don't Love Me Otherwise You Would Do Blank." Let's get to the bottom of this and find out who taught us to feel guilty, our parents, friends, religions and of course our greatest teachers of all, the masters at guilt are schoolteachers. My teachers were masters at making undisciplined children feel completely useless while the gifted students most of the time enjoyed a guiltless relationship with the teacher.
As long as you were doing what you were told at home your mother would have no need to lay the guilt trip on you. If you don't do what you are told you are going to be in trouble, don't even think about doing that or you're going to get a spanking when your father gets home. The classic abdication of responsibility. What about this classic from your parents, if you do something correctly I will gladly reward you with some cash.
Now how can this be guilt if someone is going to reward me with some cash. Guilt is basically the fear of being punished and the minute someone offers to reward you for something pleasant you have done or are about to do or something they don't want you to do, this is fear based guilt in its purest essence. If you do something in order to expect a reward and you do not accomplish the task, you feel guilty. You feel like you let someone down and there's a very good chance the people that were going to reward you are going to let you know that you failed and you will not be rewarded.
What a wonderful explanation for loving someone with guilt. We only use guilt because we have no other skills for communicating or getting our point across. As long as the people we seem to care about most remain guilt ridden we can manipulate them. I've known people that are simply masters at using their guilt skills. These people subconsciously submit subliminal messages into the minds of their loved ones about guilt. They don't even realize the damage they are doing because this is the only way they know how to show their love and to be loved.
These people need to feel love from other people and guilt of course provides the fear necessary for the dependent person to show their love to the guilt master. This article was written to inform those people that use guilt unknowingly or deliberately, to stop damaging the people they care about and think about the possibility of going to pick up a book on developing your communication skills.
I was actually thinking about making the readers of this article feel guilty in order to read it. What would the title have been, If You Don't Read This You Are a Loser, Reading Creates Winners, Find out What Everyone Is Talking About, Is Your Wife the Problem with Your Relationship, You Should Have Listened to Your Mom, okay that's enough of these crappy titles. I wasn't going to use any guilt but if you need someone to throw a little guilt into your life go pick up the the best selling book in history, The Holy Bible. There should be enough guilt in there to keep you reading for a long time.
The Little Girl and Her Pearls
A little girl of about 7 years old was out shopping at the local centre with her mother one day. They happened to browse in a small beauty shop and suddenly the little girl saw something hanging on the racks. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen before in her life. She knew instantly that this string of artificial pearls had been created just for her and that she must do anything to obtain the pearls.
"Mommy" she said, while showing her mom the pearls, "I really, really want these pearls. They are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life."
Mommy checked the price and they were R25-00. "How much money do you have saved up now" Mommy asked the little girl.
"Oh, I have R10-00 saved at home but Mommy I will do anything to get these pearls".
" Ok, I will tell you what, Let's ask the lady to try and keep them for you and we will see if you can't earn some extra money by helping me clean the house and maybe helping your Granny too."
Off they went and the little girl became obsessed with helping at the house. She really wanted those pearls. She washed dishes, swept floors,cleaned rooms and before she knew it she had earned enough money to go and buy her pearls.
The little girl loved those pearls, they were on her neck all day and even when she slept.
One night, as usual, when the little girl was in bed and ready to sleep, her Daddy came in to kiss her goodnight.
Daddy asked her " How much do you love me?" " I love you more than anything in the whole wide world Daddy." "Give me your pearls," said her father.
"Oh no Daddy. You can have my teddy or my little pony. You can even have my barbie dolls, but just not my pearls." Daddy kissed her goodnight and left the room.
The same thing happened every night for the next month. Every night Daddy asked her to give him the pearls and every night she offered Daddy everything else, except her pearls.
One night as Daddy walked in to the room to kiss his precious little girl goodnight, she was crying. Tears were rolling down her face as she looked up at her Daddy. She held out her hand and said "Here Daddy, here are my pearls". It was a heart rendering moment as the little girl handed over the biggest and most prized treasure that she had ever owned in her whole entire life. It felt to her like she was giving away her life itself.
Quietly her Daddy reached out and took the pearls from her. Daddy then gave her a big hug. Then without a word he put his hand deep into his pocket and pulled out something and gave it to her. "Here" he said, "this is for you but I could not give it to you before you were willing to give me your old necklace".
It was a beautiful necklace of genuine pearls that he had had specially made for the little girl.
Her Daddy had the pearls in his pocket for the past month, waiting for the little girl to give up the imitation pearls first, in order that he could give her the real pearls.
Many times in our lives, there are those things that we hold onto and do not want to give to God. God can not give us the special gift that he has already prepared for us, unless we are willing to hand over to him some of the things that we guard as being precious in our lives.
"Mommy" she said, while showing her mom the pearls, "I really, really want these pearls. They are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life."
Mommy checked the price and they were R25-00. "How much money do you have saved up now" Mommy asked the little girl.
"Oh, I have R10-00 saved at home but Mommy I will do anything to get these pearls".
" Ok, I will tell you what, Let's ask the lady to try and keep them for you and we will see if you can't earn some extra money by helping me clean the house and maybe helping your Granny too."
Off they went and the little girl became obsessed with helping at the house. She really wanted those pearls. She washed dishes, swept floors,cleaned rooms and before she knew it she had earned enough money to go and buy her pearls.
The little girl loved those pearls, they were on her neck all day and even when she slept.
One night, as usual, when the little girl was in bed and ready to sleep, her Daddy came in to kiss her goodnight.
Daddy asked her " How much do you love me?" " I love you more than anything in the whole wide world Daddy." "Give me your pearls," said her father.
"Oh no Daddy. You can have my teddy or my little pony. You can even have my barbie dolls, but just not my pearls." Daddy kissed her goodnight and left the room.
The same thing happened every night for the next month. Every night Daddy asked her to give him the pearls and every night she offered Daddy everything else, except her pearls.
One night as Daddy walked in to the room to kiss his precious little girl goodnight, she was crying. Tears were rolling down her face as she looked up at her Daddy. She held out her hand and said "Here Daddy, here are my pearls". It was a heart rendering moment as the little girl handed over the biggest and most prized treasure that she had ever owned in her whole entire life. It felt to her like she was giving away her life itself.
Quietly her Daddy reached out and took the pearls from her. Daddy then gave her a big hug. Then without a word he put his hand deep into his pocket and pulled out something and gave it to her. "Here" he said, "this is for you but I could not give it to you before you were willing to give me your old necklace".
It was a beautiful necklace of genuine pearls that he had had specially made for the little girl.
Her Daddy had the pearls in his pocket for the past month, waiting for the little girl to give up the imitation pearls first, in order that he could give her the real pearls.
Many times in our lives, there are those things that we hold onto and do not want to give to God. God can not give us the special gift that he has already prepared for us, unless we are willing to hand over to him some of the things that we guard as being precious in our lives.
A Prosperity Prayer Anybody Can Use
Here's a simple truth for you: abundance and prosperity is the absolute will of God for His children. Yes, that means you and me. How do I know this? This fact is found throughout the Scriptures, spanning centuries of testimonies as evidenced by the people who represent them. So how do I gain access to these riches you might ask. Is there a prosperity prayer I need to pray that will unlock the heavens to pour down the alleged blessings?
Before you go on your knees in prayer-- know that more than the words, it's the heart that speaks to God. Understand that He desires your good fortune so do not come to Him begging for blessings. He is more than willing to give you your needs and wants. See the world in its overflowing goodness and abundance that is designed with you in mind. Your knowledge of God's benevolent nature determines your trust in His providence.
So if God knows your needs and wants to give you abundance and prosperity, what do you need to do? Agree with the promises as stated in the Bible. Speak out scriptures that affirm your position as a recipient of divine blessings. There is none more effective than His Own Word and this makes for a powerful prosperity prayer. You can say something like this:
Father,
I praise and thank you for who You are to me.
You are God, holy and mighty above all (Luke 1:49)
And there is nothing too hard for you. (Jeremiah 32:27)
You have given me all things on earth to enjoy. (Psalm 115:16; Jeremiah 27:5)
You desire the very best for me. (Matthew 7:11; Luke 11:13)
You want to prosper me (Proverbs 28:35)
Because You love me. (Jeremiah 31:3; John 1:17; Romans 8:31)
So I come before you in light of your promises;
Because You are God and You cannot lie (Titus 1:2)
You will make a way when there seems to be no way, (Joshua 2:10)
And give me the ability to produce wealth, (Deuteronomy 8:18)
More than I could ever think or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)
Your Word is power, (Hebrews 1:3)
It created the world as we know it. (Hebrews 11:3)
And I speak this out,
Expecting the same for my own world.
So thank you Father,
I trust in Your love and faithfulness.
Amen.
Remember, do not speak out negative thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, you will get frustrated and impatient but check yourself that you do not give out negative energy as it repels prosperity to come in your life. Be continually thankful for all that you have and you will find good favor in different places in your life.
Pray this prosperity prayer often. It is not a formula you need to do in order to get what you want nor is it payment for prosperity. Pray as a reminder of the abundant blessings coming your way. You can use other scriptural verses that speak to you personally also. What is important is that you understand that you and your household can have this prosperity-it is just waiting to be asked in.
Before you go on your knees in prayer-- know that more than the words, it's the heart that speaks to God. Understand that He desires your good fortune so do not come to Him begging for blessings. He is more than willing to give you your needs and wants. See the world in its overflowing goodness and abundance that is designed with you in mind. Your knowledge of God's benevolent nature determines your trust in His providence.
So if God knows your needs and wants to give you abundance and prosperity, what do you need to do? Agree with the promises as stated in the Bible. Speak out scriptures that affirm your position as a recipient of divine blessings. There is none more effective than His Own Word and this makes for a powerful prosperity prayer. You can say something like this:
Father,
I praise and thank you for who You are to me.
You are God, holy and mighty above all (Luke 1:49)
And there is nothing too hard for you. (Jeremiah 32:27)
You have given me all things on earth to enjoy. (Psalm 115:16; Jeremiah 27:5)
You desire the very best for me. (Matthew 7:11; Luke 11:13)
You want to prosper me (Proverbs 28:35)
Because You love me. (Jeremiah 31:3; John 1:17; Romans 8:31)
So I come before you in light of your promises;
Because You are God and You cannot lie (Titus 1:2)
You will make a way when there seems to be no way, (Joshua 2:10)
And give me the ability to produce wealth, (Deuteronomy 8:18)
More than I could ever think or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)
Your Word is power, (Hebrews 1:3)
It created the world as we know it. (Hebrews 11:3)
And I speak this out,
Expecting the same for my own world.
So thank you Father,
I trust in Your love and faithfulness.
Amen.
Remember, do not speak out negative thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, you will get frustrated and impatient but check yourself that you do not give out negative energy as it repels prosperity to come in your life. Be continually thankful for all that you have and you will find good favor in different places in your life.
Pray this prosperity prayer often. It is not a formula you need to do in order to get what you want nor is it payment for prosperity. Pray as a reminder of the abundant blessings coming your way. You can use other scriptural verses that speak to you personally also. What is important is that you understand that you and your household can have this prosperity-it is just waiting to be asked in.
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